Gawker
Well now! Terrance Dean, the former MTV producer who's about to release a book about the secret gay secrets of the rap industry, is slowly unveiling some teaser stories on a blog (not to be confused with his own, vague blog). His first story concerns his sexy meeting and sexy rendezvous with a sexy male professional athlete, who proceeds to have sex with him! And is a closeted man! So who might this be:
Dean is at a club, on an island vacation spot, when he meets him:
He was across the room standing against the wall with a drink in his hand. He was bobbing his head to the Hip-Hop beats and surrounded by slew of bodacious women and physically fit men.I couldn't take my eyes off him. He was absolutely gorgeous - Tall, caramel, chinky eyes, and a body that wouldn't stop. Damn, he was fine! I felt the temperature in my body rise. Lust was speaking and its low growl was whispering in my ears.
Then he looked over in my direction and smiled.
They have a short, coy meeting at the bar. Who was that man?
I asked my boy Clever if he knew the beautiful specimen of a man. Clever acknowledged that he did. "That's 'Preston' I haven't seen him in a while. He's always on the road. He plays for ________."Now, I am really excited. This professional athlete just approached me and how he did it was so smooth. No one noticed anything.
The next night, Dean is in his hotel room:
Anyway, I opened the door and there he was. Tall, broad, strong, sexy, and smiling at me. Preston strolled into my suite as if it was his own. I was in shock. My mouth dropped open, and so did every molecule and cell in my body.I quickly closed the door. Preston didn't say a word. Nothing. His muscular body glided into the bedroom. I followed. He unbuttoned his shirt and revealed an amazing physique. I followed suit, and, like that, me and Preston went at each other like two lovers in heat. We wanted each other badly. We explored each other's bodies as we peeled off our clothes and strewn them throughout the room.
My gosh, Preston was ferocious in bed. His soft lips met mine. We kissed tenderly, and then passionately. Our tongues danced in each other's mouths. We groped each other finding different and wonderful places to touch. His long hard muscle was massive. He felt wonderful in my hands.
We have no guesses!
Comments
Stupid sexy Flanders?
It's Curt Schilling.
Brooks Robinson
Please be Kobe.
I'm kind of not liking the expression "chinky eyes".
@BicSharpie: I just threw up in my mouth a little
Which muscle is he talking about?
@Bell County: that was probably the not-so-subtle hint that the closeted gay is either tiger woods or hines ward.
personally, my money's on john rocker.
Tracy McGrady, Penny hardaway, Reggie Miller or Jason Kidd?
Was this book written by the internet?
Preston Wilson?
[sports.espn.go.com]
Rick Fox.
How else do you think he got the role in the latest Tyler Perry schlock-fest?
Keep in mind this guy thinks he was on "the down low" (I can't believe I wrote that).
How does someone who uses "beautiful speciman of a man" closet himself for presumably a couple of years...kinda different than guy-crush...Are we sure yet that this is not Tracey Chapman?
Bo Jackson.
ARod
hmm chinky eyes.
does he have a sideways vagina, too?
@Bell Country: Um, yeah. I read that, and my first thought was "is that ok to say? i feel like that's not ok."
Also, "His long hard muscle was massive"?? Assuming that he isn't speaking of a deltoid, this is unforgivable; that's a bit much even for Jackie Collins . Assuming that the whole book is going to stop short of actually naming names (which is the only reason to read it), it's going to be like slogging through a very, very long, semi lurid blind item post.
Vote for Pedro! (caramel skin)
H-o-t.
Makes me want to feel wonderful in my hands all afternoon.
@oneinsixbillion: @hypocriteoath: @Knucklehead Babylon: @IndianSlipper: Caramel would seem to preclude T-Mac, Kobe, Preston Wilson, Bo Jackson, & Pedro Martinez from consideration. Too dark.
It has to be Jason Taylor. I mean if your teammate can't supply his sister to cover up your gayness, what is he really good for?
Um, E. Lynn Harris Lite. From his chinky eyes all the way down to his long hard muscle.
@josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance...: OK, then would a David Wright after a season in the sun have the right tint for caramel? That would mean half of baseball players could fit. And unfortunately we don't know what sport he plays.
My mouth dropped open, and so did every molecule and cell in my body.
But what about the atoms? The quarks? Don't leave us in suspense!
@OlsenTwinsValueMenu: Kosuke Fukudome? (mind you I'm sitting near Bernies right now)
Roger Clemmons?
Kordell Stewart.
A closeted gay black athlete with molecule opening powers? I'm not sure who it is, but Wesley Snipes will be playing him in the next installment of Blade - "Lowdown Lockdown"
It's gotta be famed running back Greg "Milky Way" Washington, who is renowned both for his caramel skin and his creamy nougat center.
@Knucklehead Babylon:
Bo Knows Bros.
@nottobeconfusedwith: Nah, not chinky enough.
Chinky eyes? Yeah, inappropriate. But my money is on Hines Ward.
Today is proof that the internet has ruined productivity in the United States. A message board presumably of mostly white, straight dudes spending their work hours debating whether a gay black man in the closet would be considered "caramel
chinky eyes = Kirby Puckett?
@IndianSlipper: It would have to be a deep tan. Not George Hamilton deep, but more than a few hours a day detassling corn in the fields behind Grandpa's.
Caramel is really more a Sam Cassell or Tayshaun Prince complexion. Light, almost "high-yellow" (is that appropriate for me to say?), but discernible as African-American &/or Afro-Latino.
As a Woman, if I were a bad romance writer, I might say that describes Will Demps? Although he's not too tall.
Could I get sued for writing that?
Muggsy Bogues.
[www.wnba.com]
@lawyergay: It was written by a fifteen-year-old girl who goes by "knixsuxxors93" and posted on fanfiction.net under "Harry Potter."
Yeah I have no guesses, but I bet Preston had "A-Rod," I mean, "a rod.."
I was going to say A-Rod but he doesn't really qualify as being closeted.
@EddieRebel: Kirby Puckett was a little too roly poly to inspire this kind of physique adoration.
dwayne wade. he's been seen out and about with star jones. dead giveaway.
[deadspin.com]
@fivehole:
This Hines Ward?
[www.seattlesportsblog.com]
@stanfrombrooklyn:LOL OK I'll go back to work now.
John Kruk.
Actually, it is surely Kobe and his chinky eyes.
@josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance...: Yeah, I would say Sam Cassell for the chinky eyes, but there's no mention of "alien-shaped skull".
This has to win some kind of award as the most unlikey sentence ever uttered by a rap mogul:
"My gosh, Preston was ferocious in bed."
unlikely, that is
When did Gawker morph into the Gay Penthouse Forum? And who is this Clever?
@StonedAndDethroned: well, hello, sailor.
not a fan of the "chinky eyes" comment but..
Hines ward?
@MisterHippity: What about Kimora Lee? Would she be liable to say it?
/she counts as an hip-hop mogul, no?
Tom Brady, obviously.
It can't be Hines Ward, his Asianness has been confirmed in his genitals by man women in Pittsburgh. I kid you not this has come up on Madden's radio show there several times.
I've never heard Roger Clemens described so perfectly, not even by Mindy.
Many folks who've ventured south of 59th, and almost everyone who's been to Brooklyn, Queens, or the Bronx, should probably recognize something very obvious about Hiding in Hip Hop and Terance Dean's genius.
Dean's borrowed his entire style from the steamy "down low" romance novels that lots and lots of African-American women buy for "one-handed reading."
If you've ever stopped to check out what any of the dozens of African-American book-peddlers in the city are selling, you've probably seen at least a few of these "DL romances," aka "thug porn," on their tables.
Dean's genius is that he's figured out a way of bringing this sub-genre to a mass audience.
FUN FACT: Brooklyn is the world's largest purveyor of African-American "street lit," which includes "thug porn." A distributor on Duffield St supplies street lit not only to the book peddlers you see around the city, but also to hundreds of chain and independent bookstores across the country.
@josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance...: Is she likely to say "gosh" and sleep with guys with names like "Preston"? If so, then yes.
Jeter has very distinctive eyes but I don't know if they qualify as chinky. I would guess Tiger but this is someone in team sports.
There is absolutely nothing sexy about Pedro Martinez, caramel skinned or not.
@stanfrombrooklyn: Right!? Keep going!
@hypocriteoath: Oh my goodness, have you ever seen Reggie Miller's wife?! I'm so biting my knuckle as I look at that pic...
@Knucklehead Babylon: Bo knows... how to please a man?