Finally, A 'Sex And The City' Plot Rumor That Demands Our Attention

An early warning to SATC fans reading: potential spoilers lay ahead. That said, we have caught wind of one of the most intriguing (some might argue, the only intriguing) rumors regarding what to expect from the Most Important Movie Of The Year. It involves the possibility that one of the main Sex And The City characters, namely Mr. Big, will bite the bullet in the Cosmo-drenched show's big-screen debut. And director Michael Patrick King has been ingeniously coy when it comes to responding to all the death chatter:

"I did want an emotional roller-coaster but...Kill Mr. Big? I would have been chased around the planet by women with torches. It's a summer movie. Why would I want to kill anyone?"
While we're not sure of any reasons that King would have to off someone, we judge each of the four ladies' odds of falling off a high-rise due to insanely high stilettos or simply shooting themselves with a (pink!) gun after listening to 90 minutes of Carrie's self-absorbed whines:

Sarah Jessica Parker/Carrie Bradshaw: Not a chance. King claims women would chase him down with torches if Big bit it, but should the show's narrator and guiding light pass on after taking a cab that oh-so-glamorously crashes into Barneys or falls victim to a cocktail poisoned by some envious Vogue staffer, enraged SATC fans would hunt down King not with torches, but things like guns and machetes.

Cynthia Nixon/Miranda Hobbes: Nah. For one thing, Nixon recently revealed the fact that she went through a cancer scare back in 2004, so killing off Nixon's most famous role to date would just be plain cruel.

Kristin Davis/Charlotte York Goldenblatt: We've already heard she magically gets pregnant against all odds, and dying after giving birth could be seen as some kind of tragic but ironic plot twist. Fans have suffered through season after season hearing about Charlotte's baby-making anxiety, so the joy they'd feel knowing Char finally reached her stereotypically feminine life goal might nullify the sadness felt should she not pull through.

Kim Cattrall/Samantha Jones: If one of the four girls is really the killed-off character in question, we'd safely place our bets on Sam for two reasons: her character was diagnosed with cancer during the last season and though we were assured she eventually beat it, that's one disease with a temper, sadly capable of returning. Secondly, Samantha is the most controversial of the four; some fans love her for behaving like a man in a woman's body and boldly suggesting sleeping with every man in Manhattan is an example of feminists' success. But others just think she's a slutty bitch.

What we really think? It's Steve's mom. She's old, demented, eats garbage and despite being played by the worshipped and adored Anne Meara, it's just her character's time. Plus, Meara's take on the role is delightfully hateful: a beer-swilling, old-fashioned crazy kook whose voice makes us cringe.