Gawker
"The Resistance," which describes itself as a "Christian Group" but, judging by its website, is more of a "Wacko Conspiracy Theory Group," has just launched a boycott of Starbucks. They object to the coffee chain's new retro-style logo, which features a mermaid who wantonly possesses boobies. They "might as well call themselves Slutbucks"! In the past, The Resistance has lobbied celebrities like Paris Hilton and Tom Cruise to change their "ridiculous" behavior. So their calls for action have clearly been huge failures thus far. The full, weird press release is below.
Christian Group Denounces StarbucksOver New Logo of Naked Mermaid
(San Diego, CA) Starbucks has recently introduced a new version of their logo which features a topless mermaid with her legs spread, which has caused outrage from a nation wide Christian media watchdog organization. The Resistance, with has over 3000 members nationwide, is boycotting Starbucks across the country saying their new logo is inappropriate.
The Starbucks logo has a naked woman on it with her legs spread like a prostitute, explains Mark Dice, founder of the group. Need I say more? It's extremely poor taste, and the company might as well call themselves, Slutbucks.
The all-brown logo is a replica of the one the chain used when it opened its first store in Pike Place in Seattle in 1971. The woman is actually a siren, not a mermaid, which in Greek mythology lures people to them with their beautiful songs, and then kills them, explains Dice.
The Resistance has made international news for rebuking various Hollywood celebrities for their ridiculous behavior, including Jessica Simpson, Paris Hilton, 50 Cent, Tom Cruise and others. They also demanded that Duke University change the name of their Blue Devils sports team to something not offensive to the Christian community.
# # #
[What about asking them for some lemons while you're at it, Resistance?]
Comments
Slutbucks has better coffee.
A mermaid with legs. Now that's a mythical creature.
Ugh, this is ridiculous. Everyone knows Slut bucks have not been accepted as currency since like forever. Sheesh.
Are Slutbucks like Disney Dollars?
The mermaid me do it.
merwhore
Gosh, that boycott by more than 3,000 people worldwide is just gonna kill their second quarter.
@BalknChain: actually, it's a siren.
They should start resisting Starbucks for the same reason that everyone else does, the coffee sucks.
A prostitute for a logo?...
Chalk 1 up for truth in advertising
That's why I found all those empty Starbucks cups under my son's bed.
Believe me - that is not how prostitutes spread their legs.
Silly man.
@BaconCat:
To say nothing of the sticky buns.
Slutbucks always leaves my mouth feeling pasties.
Yep, it's stupid shit like this that stopped the Starbucksanity logo in the first place...
[seattlepi.nwsource.com]
What's the conversion ratio for Slutbucks to Shrutebucks?
Merman. MerMAN!!
30 years late. Isn't this actually a cleaned-up version of the original crunchy granola logo? Which looked like (to me, who only saw it a couple times, visiting Seattle) like she had three breasts, or at least a full boob visible amongst the sea-mother's tresses? Bueller?
@skiingtheK12:
The American in me says 'ewwwwwwwwww'. TThe German in me says 'I like to putting them in my face-hole, ja'.
Slutbucks 1 +.01
Microsoft Points .089 +.00
Linden Dollars 270 +1
Canadian Tire 435 +3
Costa Rica Colon 491 -4
I would buy their coffee if the new logo was a boob. Just one.
@pureblarney: Yes?
@arguablythemostfamous: potato, tomato...is that why I have the urge to dash myself upon some rocks after drinking Starbucks?
actually, its a melusine. I complained about this mercrotch on my blog one day and my friend sent over this link
[www.deadprogrammer.com]
someone remind these wayward christian soldiers that caffiene is an evil addictive drug and that starbucks' attempt to distract us with boobies is the hand of satan at work, seeking to turn us all into heathen tweakers.
@Sargasm: I was wondering about the ratio of Slutbucks to Slattern Nickels, myself.
As a peace offering Starbucks will enlist a new "breast milk" option at the foam station.
@brechtgirl: damn, in the "preview comment" feature, there was an image attached. I'll try again.
At least Darryl Hannah found some work.
Isn't that why they also give you a coffee sleeve -- to cover the boobies?
I think John Ashcroft is behind this.
[news.bbc.co.uk]
@moff:
Hey, that's over 3,000 people nationwide. You don't want to know how much damage they can do abroad.
Ah, combining America's two great obsessions: tits and caffeine.
No wonder why Starbucks is so successful.
@de wolfe: Being servicey: [en.wikipedia.org]
Why we're at it, Arielle is a Disney slut, too!
[i21.ebayimg.com] / [www.wallpaperspecial.com]
@fileunder: Oops! I misread. I don't even want to think what this is going to do to Starbucks' coffee sales in heavily Christian countries like Guatemala or Colombia.
3000 people who probably weren't drinking Starbucks say they won't drink Starbucks. Really. I'm inspired. Can't you tell?
@BullfightsOnAcid: Well, at least it doubles as a semen catching device.
Okay, Mark, like, thanks for letting me share at the prayer meeting this week. I just want everyone to know that, you know, thanks for your prayers and everything, it seems like the ringworm is definitely clearing up. Now, don't worry, I'm not going to gross everyone out and pull down my pants again like last prayer meeting, but if you want to see it, and see how the Lord is working to cure the ringworm, you can ask me after and I'll show you during the coffee hour.
And speaking of which, praise Jesus, okay? Cuz Mark's boycott of Slutbucks is definitely working. We're definitely not buying that stuff and we'll be serving coffee from our new supplier The Bean Flicker. Praise the Lord, those girls are really really nice and their coffee is good, too, so if everyone could just, you know, give their business to The Bean Flicker on North Holloway.
What? Why is everybody laughing?
[seattlepi.nwsource.com]
Is this better?
We really are moving closer to Idiocracy. And I for one could use a Latte with extra foam.
this is all just a front by Dunkin Donuts. sneaky. so sneaky.
@brechtgirl: Gotta love those smutty early modern woodcuts. Here's one from I Modi. Maybe Starbucks should consider using this as their logo.
Everybody Google I Modi for some hot 500-year old porn!
Tits or GTFO!
I have a theory that these right-wing Christian groups boycott products that they don't buy anyway. It's like when I was a little sharpeiboy and I used to give up liver for lent.
Duke's team name sure beats what it used to be: "Blue Heathens"
@sharpeiboy: I'm pretty sure we wouldn't hear a word if there was a new steamy logo for... wait what do these people buy? let's go with guns.
Sadly, slutbucks are still trading stronger than the dollar right now.
@brechtgirl: Mermaids with the dual-tail freak me out.
I guess the sailors of yore preferred the two-tails, because the logistics of getting funky with a classic mermaid are far trickier . Blech.
Where'd these people hear about the cups anyway? There are Starbucks in trailer parks?
oddly enough the swingers association of America likes the new logo, they call it Starfucks
They are now asking ambulances to give up their sirens as well.
*sigh*
mythical creature.....bad coffee.....religious upheaval. All the things that make America.....America.
Only prostitutes spread their legs? I guess Christians have really bought into that immaculate conception thing.
I actually had to research the history of the Starbuck's logo for an article and there is some truth behind this ridiculousness. The original logo was a siren. The split tail truly was sexually symbolic and the comely creature is related to pagan symbols such as a the Sheila-na-gig, which is basically a squatting woman spreading open her vajayjay. Sheila-na-gig carvings appear on very old Irish churches. Starbucks cleaned up the original logo and for some strange reason are going back to the earlier naughty version. (The original gal also had a navel.)
@Carol Gardens:
which is basically a squatting woman spreading open her vajayjay
I wonder if that's how the coffee grinder was invented.
I love how the religious crazies are offended by the naughty parts of mythical creatures. Y'know, because a unicorn's wang is the most serious threat to the unity of the family today.
@sharpeiboy: @Carol Gardens: Is Sheila-na-gig Gaelic for Britney Spears?
Wonder if Sheila knows about her naughty namesake?
They're sorta right because the melusine/sheila na gig evolved into being a sign for a whoor. I remember seeing a scurrilous piece of parchment about Mary Queen of Scots which accused her of being a whore and featured a melusine.
Comment on this post
Reply by EmailLogin with your username and password below. Or comment on this post via email.
Forgot your username or password? New User?