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He would do well to just read the lines other funny people write for him and stop having personal opinions altogether.

I will vote for Mr. Baldwin when he runs for President of my Panties!

HEYO!!!!

He's representing the "Most Bloated Middle-Aged Head" constituency. Tom Hanks is a shoo-in for Veep and John Travolta for Secretary of State.

He must've talked to Hillary. She's holding out for the steak knives.

He can run for appointment as the Secretary of Agriculture. Fat pigs everywhere would clamor for representation.

If he ever ran for office, they wouldn't even have to run negative ads. The GOP could just buy up two-hour blocks of airtime and show Team America: World Police. A fictional puppet movie, yes, but reason enough not to vote for him.

OK, but what's he gonna do when his opponent yells, "Beetlejuice, beetlejuice, beetlejuice!"?

In honour of the commie winning madonna caption, I'll offer the following Alec Baldwin campaign slogan

"I'm Alec Baldwin and I'm 50! I like to bitch, kvetch, and bitch! AAAAAHHHM FIFTY!"

@Conbon: He lost the farmer vote a long time ago.

@moff: Also the immigrants and those of us who have $12,000 in checking. (I wish I had $12,000 in checking.)

OT but I just wanted to lodge a public complaint about the quality of Jezebel... there is none. It's a terrible terrible site with the worst writers ever.

But, um, hasn't the theory been all along that he would run for office in New York?

[en.wikipedia.org]

I just don't want the leader of my country to be that hairy.

oh god again with the mr. freeze, i think that is my least favorite movie ever!

Actors who think they can be politicians are like reality stars who think they can be actors. In that they are unilaterally wrong and unqualified for the job.

@The Real JR: You poor dear. You must have read all the way to the end of this terrifying beast of a post. I feel you, sister - I too am traumatized. I didn't know a computer screen could cry out in pain, but mine did.

A-Always
B-be
C-campaigning

Reagan, Schwarznegger, Baldwin: the legacy continues. he's believable on 30 rock so I say that puts him ahead of Mr. Freeze anyways.

@Colonel Mustard: What about housewives who think they can be reality stars? Or Ivy League girls who think they can be housewives?

@Phyllis Nefler: I did, because Choire linked to it. I hate Choire.

@Phyllis Nefler:

Actually no:

[jezebel.com]

[jezebel.com]

Baldwin vs. Weinstein

I'm taking bets.

@Phyllis Nefler: seriously, any woman who is all paranoid about sex during the period should read that post though because wtf with being able to get laid in that condition! i was totally amazed by this.

@roodles: Hear, hear! I enter "Miami Blues" as Exhibit A.
[farm1.static.flickr.com]

@SlickaNicka: ya know I find the too groomed waxed Zac Efron thing equally creepy but I just need him to trim the rug, just a little.

He should run as the favored son of LI against Peter King. Get some endorsements from Billy Joel and LiLo in between their DWI court appearances. This would make my life.

The baldwin bro's should just cash in their entertainment/political careers and start a pizza parlor together.

Pareene,

Yeah, Ahnold...

But Bubba was President and he was a Democrat. He possessed all of those reprehensible qualities, so spare me the "Republicans get away with it" grade school nonsense. The list of hypocrites is long for both teams.

@HandsomeBwonderful: whoa, what movies was clinton in? i wanna netflix them.

Also he's a talented actor and only b-listers ever get elected to anything. [to avoid controversy, Shirley Temple was appointed not elected, John Hall was a singer not an actor, and Mayor of Carmel doesn't count]

Didn't he run for father of the year and lose? Now, I suggest he run far away.

@JudgeFudge: I imagine it being exactly like the pizza place from "Do the Right Thing." At the end of the movie.

He might be a formidable candidate with his family experience. From drug addiction to Jesus freakery, he's got it covered.

@fiveinchtaint: And he can provide not one, but THREE Roger Clinton-esque first brothers of embarrassment.

The Republicans would just run an endless loop of the phone message he left for his daughter over and over and over and over again. I remember when the story broke and I heard it I thought: "So much for his political career."

And this from a devoted Dem.

@KarenUhOh: @econdave: "I'm FUCK YOU! THAT'S MY NAME! and I approve this message."

@The Real JR: Agreed. Truly dreadful site.

@Bunsy: so you're admitting you actually thought he had a political career at one point?

"Vote for me, you selfish little pigs or I'm going to get on a plane and really straighten you out."

@JudgeFudge:
And who wouldn't watch that reality TV show?

@Conbon: After reading the post, I think I hate everything and everyone. It has made me unable to love again. (Respond to my message on your page, btw! You're killin me smalls!)

@allyzay: I know, right!? I actually re-read that paragraph like twice because I thought surely I was misunderstanding something.

@The Real JR: (shaking head resignedly)

@nottobeconfusedwith: That's exactly what I was thinking! Well minus the DWI stuff. But we would totally welcome him back with open arms!

@Phyllis Nefler: ANYONE can be a reality star. All it takes is a lack of shame, a desire to be "famous", and a compromised sense of perspective. If we've learned anything from reality programming it's that no matter how hard you try to spin your image or play the game, reality TV will chew you up and digest you, and you will come out looking like shit.

@Colonel Mustard: unless you are christian soriano, then you will come out looking like an adorable fierce little elf!!!!

@Colonel Mustard: I think the exception that proves your rule is Jay from Real World London. All he did was lie on the couch watching TV by day, and "write plays" by night. A straight chiller, as it were. The most boring character on any reality show ever, but also the most brilliant. I think there was an episode where they tried to manufacture drama around him (Confessional: "All Jay does is lie around! He's so lazy!" [cut to Jay lying on the couch, shrugging]) and it was a total bust.

I miss Real World London. Neil's bitten tongue and all that.

My decision to vote for him weighs heavily on his final results on the Celebrity Fit Club show (or whatever it's called).

@allyzay: Dammit! I was all set not to click on the link once I saw the title, but then you had to go and make it sound all intriguing and shit. (Happily, I decided to finish eating my lunch before reading it.)

@DorothyMantooth: If I were a cat, I would now be dead.

@Phyllis Nefler: True. It was a different time, though. Back then they didn't appreciate the value of a rage-prone bisexual alcoholic with a Shocking Secret™.

guys, i can't even tell you how much i love that fucking beetlejuice movie. that's all i need to say. my family copied it on vhs from this one time when it was aired on tv in like '94, and i've probably watched it twenty times. i'm at the point where if i'm watching the dvd, i remember where all the commercial breaks were. oh my god, nostalgia...

Some of Baldwin's political ideas actually have some potential.

Especially his "No Thoughtless Little Pig Left Behind" initiative.

I hate hate hate this fucking nonsense babbling, holier-than-thou, windbag, blow hard.
BUT I am so drawn to his of late wacky and weird TV roles. It makes me feel all twisted and bitter and confused in my dark little heart.
The only way to get my cardio system back on track is for this fucktard to pick a side and stick to it. Either remain one of the most annoying and ignorant and misguided talk show monologists, or do the TV thing.
My emotional well-being thanks you in advance, Alec.

ehem...

+ Watch video

@BowlingAlleyLawyer: HEY Double the fun!
Sorry... first time I posted a video. I got a little overzealous

Am I the only one who doesn't think the "scandal" about his phone call to his daughter was that bad? My parents called me out on being selfish whenever I was, and the worse I was being, the worse language they used. They weren't abusive, but when they were angry they were fucking angry, and I really knew it. I hate people who smother their initial reactions so they can "deal with the problem" they're having with their kid. They're so divorced from what they're actually feeling that their kids walk all over them and they don't even know it.

I was definitely called worse than "a selfish little pig" when I was a teenager. That's because I definitely behaved worse than a "selfish little pig."

@ Zorica: well my mom hit me with a door once (my own bedroom door even), but bless her little psycho heart, she never called me a selfish little pig.
So yeah, it WAS that bad. He sucks.

@Zorica: I think it was pretty bad because, DAMN, he was scary. He was channeling his Glengarry Glen Ross character and as an adult I was left shitless, let alone if he were my dad.

Plus, his daughter was only 11 at the time he left the message. Too young for that type of verbal abuse, if ever there was a time for it.

@BowlingAlleyLawyer: Well crap, I would NEVER support hitting someone with a door, or anything else. I don't support any kind of physical punishment at all, I think it's wrong and that the laws against it are just.

I definitely experienced wrath from my parents that I felt was on par with what I heard on the tape and I never considered myself abused. Precisely because they yelled instead of hit, and got really angry but never went psycho.

Also I guess it helps that after they got really angry and yelled lots of things that were scary we'd all calm down and I'd start to realize what a shit I'd been and they'd acknowledge that they don't actually think I'm a "fucking little liar, a dirty little thief, a spoiled fucking rotten little leech," that it was an over-reaction and they eventually regretted it.

Other than listen to the call and be aware that there was lots of media-fallout around it, I don't know much about AB re: parenting. If he's responding like this on a regular basis, or if he's hitting at all ever, then he's a scumbag. But the way it was presented to me it seemed like an isolated incident that nobody really knew the whole story behind, other than that it was a message he left for his daughter. Maybe I was a bad seed but I had a few messages like that in my childhood, and at least in my family reactions like that were well-deserved (my parents did have something with the "spoiled-rotten" part, if anything we kids would get them so angry precisely because they gave us pretty much everything and we still chose to screw them over without a second thought).

@SlickaNicka: I have definitely been more scared of my dad than I was of that message.

But being only eleven - that does change it a bit. I don't think my parents (in my family it was actually mom who was scarier, although dad had the more colorful imagination) ever went to that level with me before I was 13. But I do think they went there with my youngest sister well before that. I was a brat but she was a terror. When I look back at what we were like as kids, I'm fucking horrified and I think my parents deserve a lifetime achievement award because although I'm morally wishy-washy at times, my sisters are two of the most upstanding, right-living people I know. From liars, cheaters, and thieves to standing on principle and defending the defenseless and emptying the dishwasher without being asked or considering credit. And we're all still friends, including with our parents. Totally sickening, actually, but I'm grateful for it.

I suppose it comes down to what you relate it. In AB's voice I heard my father, exasperated that he's given me everything and I'm shitting all over it and he only wants the best for me but is scared that I might be just another lousy person ready to join the worst of the world, and he's run out of ideas about how to change that. Somewhere in one of those screamfests I had a life-altering experience and chose to be someone that sucked a bit less and when I look back it feels kind of like a miracle that happened and I think if anyone is responsible it's my parents, for not letting me get away with shit, and so that's why I'm hesitant to paint him a sinner, when it's that kind of sin that might have saved me.