Do you hate everyone around you? If so, you may wish to download one of Slate's political ringtones. No, seriously. This is what they're doing. Ringtones made of soundbytes taken from the never-ending 2008 primary elections. Like Hillary's odd laugh, John McCain calling someone a jerk, and "Yes We Can!" If you download these to your phone, you will get beaten up. But! They forgot a couple! Like, all the good ones, basically. Allow us:

• Walnuts!
• God DAMN America
• 45 seconds of Mike Gravel not saying anything.
• "Heidi Montag is a very talented actress."
• "Hill-Rod"
• "Can I ask you about your, uh... why you're so angry?"

We'd link to downloadable mp3s of those classic moments, but we really don't want anyone to actually have "political ringtones." Except "God DAMN America," that one's awesome.

Send an email to Alex Pareene, the author of this post, at alexp@gawker.com.