Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, two of the more invested stars of MTV reality smash The Hills, know that you know that they know that you know that they're fake. Phew. They don't bother with the pretense of being discreet in the way the pose for paparazzi photographs, cause fake "drama," and desperately ingratiate themselves to monsters like TMZ warlock Harvey Levin. "We're entertainers," Heidi tells the LA Times in a new story on the couple. Hm. Fair enough. I can actually, uh, sort of respect that. At least they're honest! And it works. According to Spencer, they get $50,000 each for a two hour club appearance. I don't know what's more disheartening, that they make more in two hours than I do in a year, or that a club can afford to pay such a ridiculous lump of sweaty cash, because business will in fact boom after a "Speidi" visit. I just can't believe that people actually want to drink with these fools. But aparently they do, and that's all Heidi and Spencer's doing. Which is kind of brilliant. It's one of the reasons why they're besties with Us Weekly editor Janice Min, I'm sure.

They won over Min when she saw Speidi-related web traffic rise and rise. "That's when I thought, 'You know what? Let's just take a risk on these people,'" she says. And it's done wonders for Us. Janice must love them! And they love her too:

"Janice Min at Us Weekly is like a family member to us," Spencer said. "We love her. If my mom and her are e-mailing me at the same time, I'm like, 'Uh, Janice or my mom?' "

It's a real romance. Or parasitic relationship. One of those things.

And the couple just keeps dreaming bigger and bigger. Heidi would like to keep pursuing her music, hoping to be "as big as Britney Spears and Madonna" one day. Spencer just wants to make money and be famous and maybe have his own reality show. And they both feel they deserve it. After all, what they do is hard work. Sort of:

"No celebrity does anything, really," Spencer said. "Unless you're a famous athlete who actually physically does something, like, how much work is reading lines from a script? We're improv TV personalities. That's way harder."

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt: "We're entertainers" [LAT]