I can't see her hair. More importantly, I cannot see her breasts. Therefore, I cannot opine.

After looking at these pictures I've decided that not actually having an ENTIRE HEAD is a dealbreaker.

I don't think the terrorists hate America quite as much now.

@TheHonJudgeSmails:This is why I scan each posting for your comments. Thanks for making my Friday a little better.

It would make more sense if her bikini had stripes on the bottom!

And yet cancer roams free.

the telegraph fails to mention beautiful people also have higher statistical tendencies to participate in sudden gasoline fights and end their lives prematurely. speaking of prematurely, i don't see how it's relevant to put heidi's picture up as she has had plastic surgery and is not naturally pretty.

I'm screwed.

@EpponneeRae: what would make the most sense would be if she was dead.

For every Brazilian bikini wax you get, you can add 2 years to your life! There have been studies.

@shehatesme: How I've missed you! I hope you are well.

@sqwodaydc: I was trying to leave that unspoken. Next time I'll speak up.

@TheHonJudgeSmails: they're big and fake and her hair is yellow, yes yellow.

@EpponneeRae: horizontal stripes make you look fat so you only want them on the chestal area... heidi knows few things but this is one of them.

I would imagine the outcome would be the same for "naturally beautiful" as plastic surgery-enhanced beautiful

Any particular reason he's got a Frankenstein shaped forehead and she doesn't?

Er ... did anyone else see what I saw a few minutes back?

But to be fair, she bought those cans. Plus I think my abs will be just as perfect when I get that 300$ an hour trainer.

@Tammany_Fall: Never mind. I've already said too much. As you were.

I'm going to print off and cut out these faces and rob banks with them plastered over my own face and the cashiers and cops will be too busy trying to rate my attractiveness and confused about my lack of ears or the black line around my forehead where I didn't concentrate with the scissors enough and I'll run down the road and all the bystanders will either be looking for the wrong person as a long-term partner or a man with a woman's face on top of his flapping in the breeze like an out-take from Silence of the Lambs.

The message of the bikini is: Heidi Montag has shed blood for her country, just like her hero, John McCain

Why can't we put our respective genitals in both of their mouths?

You know what makes these faces attractive? What really really does it? THE EYEBROWS. Do not underestimate the power of the brows, to FRAME the face. Would you frame a Picasso in a cardboard frame cut-out of a greasy pizza box? No. The brows. They good.

@Priam: Snarf.

(Pointing at self) This person will be drinking alone tonight with a bag over his head.

I wish these pictures of Montag would go away; it is hard to convince people I can't stand her when I have a 14" tent in my pants. No lie.

I have a (perhaps paranoid) suspicion that this whole post is a case of Jack Ketch trying to lure us in for the kill.

@EpponneeRae: omg I was just thinking the SAME THING.

That guy behind her on the beach has bigger breasts than she does, but hers are more attractively packaged. If they were larger, they could sell discount gasoline or foreign cars.

Just took their test. What's unnerving is that with all the black space around the women's heads, they all kind of look like nuns. So when they say "this person has a partner," they must mean Jesus, right?