Gawker
William Shatner, the Star Trek actor who has some sort of strange voice modulation disease, rambled to Page Six last night about a gay panic he experienced as a newbie to New York: "We're in the audience, I'm a young hot-blooded Canadian and out come the dancing girls, a plethora of women - and I feel his hand brush my knee. I thought, well, it's an accident, then I felt it again. What the [bleep]? I got up and ran out." How horrible that must have been for him. Fitting that he ended up on Star Trek which has been a strangely free of gay topics in its many and varied incarnations. Though, myriad ways have been found to gay Shatner (and the show) up a bit. Like in (albeit pretty dumb) YouTube music clip mash-ups, like the one above, and in particularly horrifying slash fiction (a section of which you can find after the jump). Final frontier indeed.
For one shocked moment, Jim could see no external genitalia at all—only dense black hair. Then Spock took his hand, guiding it to where the testes would be in a human male, and Jim felt the soft pressure of the sac descending against his palm."During moments of stress or environmental extremes the organs are drawn up almost entirely into the body," Spock said. "With practice, the response can also be initiated intentionally. The process of reversal is less easily controlled, however." He hesitated. "Any degree of tension tends to prolong the retraction of the phallus."
He moved Jim's hand up ten centimeters or so. Jim could just make out a dimpled area under the hair, and behind that, a firm mass. He massaged the place gently, feeling it move under the skin. Spock's fingers, where they still rested against the back of his hand, tensed and Jim stopped, unable to tell whether the stroking was pleasant or not.
From "Patterns".
Comments
To Boldy Gay Where No Man Has Gone Before
Hey -- I watched a lot of Star Trek and the other kids were always telling me how gay I was. That should count for something.
Trek is strangely devoid of Jews, too. I think that means they had cured gayness and Jewishness by the 23rd century. And cancer, too, I hope.
Ew.
Beam me up, indeed
@moff: I'm shocked -- SHOCKED -- that you were a Star Treck fan. Well, not really.
Shatner's hailing frequencies were not open.
@moff: Tribbles, however, remained a menace.
@Helman: I would only watch it while I was wearing a leather jacket and listening to the Buzzcocks and smoking, though, which should have balanced it out.
@moff: I think there were "issues" with early incarnations of the transporter beams.
I thought the Klingons were Jewish, no? Is this the show with Gil Gerard?
Richard - you should watch Boston Legal? The hand-holding, sleepovering, fishing-trip relationship between Alan Shore and Denny Crane is the cutest thing going on network TV. No slashfic needed.
@moff: I hear you. I played Dungeons and Dragons only when dressed like Betty Boop.
Set phasers to fabulous!
@moff: I was about to make the same juke substituting the Velvet Underground for the Buzzcocks and heroin for smoking.
I just figured Star Trek was so gay they didn't even have to mention it. Like how you just assume Buffy is a Social Democrat.
@moff: In the first season of The Next Generation some of the figurant male crew members wore skirts, but by the second season these skirts had disappeared. I'm guessing the gay was cured then.
@Sarcastro: Joke, rather.
@VirusWithShoes: Set phasers to phablulous?
@VirusWithShoes: Actually, the Romulans always read as Jewish to me...
@moff: But the balance was upset by your extremely graphic homosexual fan faction.
Fickle, fickle, fickle. And wordy. Just like trying to fuck a semiotics major. No wonder Kirk kept poking random aliens.
BTW Moff- it's the Vulcans that were Jewish. Nimoy based that "live long and prosper" gang sign on the ancient gesture of the Kohanim.
Darlings, it was the Ferengi who were the Jews, if we're allowing "The Next Generation" (though I can't believe I am bothering to mention this)...
@VirusWithShoes: Chekhov might have been Jewish. His mom was always pointing to McCoy and going, "Now him! He made something of himself!"
@CaptainHangNail: Yup. They kilt it, apparently.
@CaptainHangNail: I assumed they were Quakers!
Who were the Muslims again?
Why wouldn't you put up the greatest Star Trek gay mash up of all time - Closer:
+ Watch video
Spock's cock on the Captain's Blog was pretty gay.
@fiveinchtaint: Hey, I accept my fans as they are. And that's a lesson I learned from Star Trek.
@ChromiumSwitch: So Spock's mother was a shiksa?
@moff: "You couldn't be a doctor, could you, like that nice McCoy? He gets a tricorder, you with your stuck at the console, you."
@VirusWithShoes: That's a tough one. If the Obama rule applies, Uhuru would be the Muslim.
"Trek is strangely devoid of Jews, too."
What a strange comment. Spock being Jewish and Kirk being half Jewish doesn't count for anything?
There's a gay character in this episode: [acceptable.tv]
@moff: If you read any of the books you would know that there were huge advances in gaydar technology in the 22nd century.
Also, Space Jesus converted all the remaining jews in 2304.
@VirusWithShoes: You know, I hate grammar nerds as much as the next guy. Nevertheless, I have to point out that the past participle of "gay" is "gayne."
"To boldly gay where no man has gayne before."
@moff:
"COOOOOOOOOOOOOHEN!"
[animated.ytmnd.com]
@MisterHippity: Oh and the captain is Jewish, too. I can't belive none of your remembers this episode.
Remember the Hawaii 5.0 episode where John Ritter played a gay? McGarrett was very understanding. That show had giant balls that just kept getting bigger because of ongoing volcanic activity.
"You remember the Star Trek Wars."
"Where all the fans of Star Wars moved across the galaxay?"
"No, that was the Star Wars Trek."
@In Other News...: "Anything Denny Crane can do I can do backwards and in heels." Alan helps Denny practice for his wedding dance. This might be the most adorbs thing I've seen on TV in ages. Enjoy!
[www.livevideo.com]
@MisterHippity: I actually pondered that grammatical dilemma too.
Obviously, not for too long.
"He's gay Jim." -- Dr. McCoy.
@Lucia Toledo: Find that discussion, among other places, here:
[www.amazon.com]
Wasn't "Deep Space Nine" filled with gay characters? And isn't that title a double entendre?
No. No, we are not allowing TNG.
@BullfightsOnAcid: Closer may well be the greatest mashup video of all time.
@CaptainHangNail:
Didn't Captain Picard wear a gown once? Kinda like Prince Charles' old one?
@Mike_Jahn: And what about the episode where Kirk switched bodies with a woman?
@afraidofauntieem: as charming as it was the first time. i love how exquisitely weird they are together.
It's hard to believe a thread on Shatner and gayness could get this far without somebody mentioning Stooges guitarist Ron Asheton's claim, made in many interviews (and I think in Please Kill Me), that around 1975, just before the Stooges broke up, he (Ron) ran into Shatner in a bar on the Strip and the latter drunkenly tried to pick him up. In 2002 Shatner did an online interview with Slashdot and when people were asked to send in questions someone brought this up. But I can't tell from the Slashdot site if Shatner was actually asked about Asheton's story.
Then there was the time, about a month after his wife drowned, that some people got into an elevator in a Manhattan hotel and found a couple smooching. One was a woman in her 20s. The other, the passengers soon realized, was old Bill. When the doors opened for his floor he broke the clinch and walked out with his babe. Then he turned to the people in the elevator and, as the doors closed, said: "It's all right; she's my sister." (Since he's Canadian you gotta believe him.) I think that was in Page Six.
@mladen: I believe he'd do that. The Shat is a strange, strange man.
+ Watch video
Kidding aside (which is difficult) -
DS9 definitely had a gay episode. Jadzia Dax (female), whose former host was a dude, hooked up with said dude's dead wife's new host, who was (also) a hot lady. Lesbianacy ensued.
@mladen: As far as Shatner and his sister are concerned, I think hummingpenguin said it best "i love how exquisitely weird they are together."
I consider Shatner's duet with noted 'mo Joe Jackson to be the definitive version of "Common People."
+ Watch video
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