Well that's dumb.

If you type down, forward, back, back, C, Liu Kang will turn into a dragon and eat the other person's torso.

why can't i click on this list of people. it defeats that "smart" feature if you can't even click.

But WHY won't they tell us how they determine who the most important people are? This is the single most pressing question of my week.

stupid. these people are not people I'm interested in. at all. and I don't visit their page often, I am not in any pictures with them, I don't post on their wall or message or poke them.
I don't get it. It's too random and they need to explain it, not just take it away!

These are not even remotely the most important people to me. 4/5 of them I barely know. I CALL YOUR BLUFF, ZUCK!

@ Fitnes: Ha! Good one.

Let's also not forget: Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, B, A, Select, Start

also "-" works too

Their statement kind of reminds me of what happens when I ask my wife what she wants to eat and she proceeds to tell me what she doesn't want.

My list of five seems completely random. Two of them are friends who are also siblings. Two of them are a niece and a nephew. And the last one is my mom. Yes, my mom.

@Khrushchev: agreed.
Here's a theory: they used some of the answers you filled in to the various fields to 'match' you with people. can't explain all the entries in my five, but at least a couple. so maybe that's one of the factors they use to find 'the person you're looking for.'

must log off and take my obsessive thoughts into a bar.

They are the five people you will meet in Heaven.

I call bull shit. While I could see two of the people on my list being people I'd accumulate as "most important", I sure as hell can't place the other three.

Trick also works with ', ", -, and @

@workandgirl: Your lack of capitalization led me to read that as "why can't i lick on this clist of people."

@Don Is: "Friends who are also siblings", a niece, a nephew, and your mom? Dude, your family is STALKING YOU. Or else you don't have any friends outside of your immediate family (which is just as creepy).

@CarolKat: you need twitter!!

i seriously can't imagine the importance of the first on my list. a hollywood agent who i knew in highschool? at least my best friend is 2nd i guess.

These are my five people:
1. Fake boyfriend
2. Personal trainer
3. Guy who I used to work on my college lit mag with, had a huge crush on, who subsequently turned our sham of a fucking pseudo-relationship into a short film starring his GIRLFRIEND AS ME!!!
4. Sort of friend I have not spoken to in a year
5. Sort of friend I have not spoken to in four years

Someone explain this now.

@RocketRockit: Also, these people are all actual Facebook friends of me and I've only searched three of them ever.

Dude. Seriously.

if you type "-+" into the search box, Facebook sends a friend request from matter to anti-matter, who then accepts the request. After a long drawn-own poke war, they decide to meet in Central Park near Ronaldinho's evil, incense-burning twin. After twenty minutes of slider ever-closer to each other on the cement embankment overlooking people rowing their boats backwards, they finally make physical contact, creating an explosion that incinerates most of our solar system. Except, ironically, for Pluto, which goes from demoted planet to sole solar system survivor in the blink of an eye.

However, typing "+-" into the search box teleports you onto your front stoop without your keys, forcing you to wait for three hours until one of your roommates--"who all have real jobs," the voice of your mother says--comes home and lets you in. 'Well,' you think, 'at least I didn't end up spending the whole day on the internet.'

That was supposed to be 'sliding,' of course, and should in no way be construed as an endorsement of White Castle.

Can't we all just go back to stalking people the old way? You know the good old days, before *69 when you could call and hang up over and over again. Let's not forget the stalkers who actually came to your house and bothered you.

Is it really stalking if your looking at someones facebook page? I think not.

Can I say, politely, that this makes no fucking sense. How about explain the formula for this? And when have I ever said, "you know what would make my facebook experience so much easier? If only I could click the search box and press the down arrow key and have 5 seemingly random people appear from a mysterious formula that makes absolutely no sense"? They're trying to cover their asses, methinks.

"The search drop down is also not a list of the feral cats you named as a kid to prove to you mom that you had friends. It is also not the five secret members of the 1948 Vorsprung Collective. And it most certainly is not your new bicycle. We hope this clears things up."

-Mark Zuckerberg

1. Someone I'm desperate to sleep with, and who may or may not be desperate to sleep with me
2. My best friend's little brother
3. One of my students
4. A sort-of friend who tagged me in a photo
5. Same best friend's dad (creepy)

Hamilton is a freaking genius.

He's figured out the key to the Denton/Gawker money-making pyramid scheme: post 8 times on Facebook and watch the pageviews (and profits) grow exponentially as a gaggle of retards frantically discusses the other retards (nee "friends") who supposedly care about them online.

Brilliant.

@Khrushchev: I hate that I agree with you, but feel that I'm a sham if I dont step forward to concur.

Bummer. Jesus was on my list.

@LadlySack: And don't forget the hits from those disproportionately angered by A THREAD ON GAWKER

Postcript to the statement:
Beginning tomorrow, Facebook will change its name to Farcebook.

1) A close friend; I probably comment her profile more than any other.
2) My best friend
3) Best friend from college
4) Other best friend from college
5) My ex-boyfriend's good friend??

WTF @ #5??? I definitely look at the first four profiles on a regular basis, but the profile I look at most is the ex-boyfriend in question. Oh, wait, he deleted my facebook friendship. NOW HE'LL NEVER KNOW THAT I STILL STALK HIM. My list is basically the profiles I look at the most. How anticlimatic.

Thanks for your interest in this feature. Unfortunately, for security reasons I am unable to provide specific details about this formula. I apologize for any inconvenience. Please let me know if you have any further questions.

Thanks,

Quinton
User Operations
Facebook

That's the reply you get when you try to delve in to Facebook's secrets.

Security reasons? V V V strange

1. A good friend who I have been talking to a lot on Facebook.
2. My fiance's friend from high school. (!)
3. My ex-boyfriend.
4. My fiance.
5. A good friend who I see all the time.

Besides # 2, "the people most important to you" thing actually kind of makes sense for me, I guess.

@LadlySack: But the stalkers maaaaan.... the stalkers!

@LadlySack: "Retard" is offensive. Let's use its synonym "LadlySack" as an alternative.

The connecting fact for my five is that I've written on their wall.

Wow, five dudes. Awesome.

@Lazy Susan: Does anyone have a burnt stick? I need to poke it in my eye.

@Don Is: How many Gawker commenters entered every symbol on their keyboard into the Facebook search box today?

@YourWildHorses: I even did the option key symbols.

@Conbon: all in favor, make no comment. It is done.

1. My Ex - Ok, fine, I admit it, I originally signed up for facebook solely to keep tabs on this person, as their blog and myspace account was simply not enough.

2. My Bestfriend - He's only been on facebook for like a month. How can facebook figure out he's my best that fast?

3. My Other Bestfriend - Maybe do to the vulgarity of the messages we spend to each other?

4. One of my Favorite Drinking Buddies - Because facebook knows I'm a problem drinker?

5. My Bestfriend's Former Hot Roommate - I'm pretty sure i've never messaged this person in my life.

way to sidestep, zuck... the more they deny the more I must know! why do these people seem to be the most important to me?

the club photographer I made out with for a couple weeks almost a year ago is among the most important people to me? and my sister isn't?

maybe facebook analyzed my interests and was able to detect how out of whack my priorities are. I gotta get myself together. thanks for the kick in the ass, facebook!

@Conbon: "Alternate," LadlySack will say. "No, alternative, you LadlySack!" Conbon will say, as we nod in agreement.

"The now-suspended feature used a complex algorithm developed by elves and sock puppets sewn from LOLCat whiskers and made to receive directions from the former dictator Idi Amin via intravenous tubes. We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this purely accidental invasion of your and everyone else's privacy this may have caused and wish the Gawker commenters well in their efforts to find a better, less sieve-like social network such as the one provided by the insular, incompetent and insouciant little pricks at Facebook."

@shitty pitty: Is this person formerly hot or formerly your best friend's roommate? Humor me.

@arguablythemostfamous: I have 4 siblings. Only one of them made the list.

@In Other News...: Using adjectives as nouns is LadlySacked.

@LoveHandles:

@RocketRockit: formerly my bestfriend's roommate. But I'm definitely going to think of someone to refer to as "the formerly hot" so and so now. Time to log on to facebook again!

I think I'm going to fire up my ipod and put "Let's get LadlySacked" on repeat.