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Hey, what is the damn matter with American Idol? Not only has the show been slow and predictable this season (what with inevitable David-on-David finales, dependable judge insanity/obvious favoritism, and Ryan Seacrest bon mots) but it's also getting some of the lowest ratings in its illustrious seven year history. What's going on here? Has America's Favorite Television Show Ever gotten old and increasingly not worth watching? In a word, yes. Simon Cowell thinks this season has been "too safe." Which is, OK, sound logic. Sure it's been safe, but isn't Cowell part of that problem? The judging segments are increasingly canned and repetitive, and showing obvious signs of producer string-pulling. The whole affair is too planned out and scripted. Some would say that, like high-waisted pants or wariness of ethnic people, this is just a sign that the show is twilight years. But, I disagree. I think Idol could last forever. It just needs to make a few changes to get itself back on course.
Mark Harris, an Entertainment Weekly editor and all around smart guy (Tony Kushner won't date no slouch, after all), wrote a funny and dead-on piece on how to fix the troubled extravaganza in this week's magazine that I wholeheartedly agree with. First off, yes, get rid of the odious product placement. Everyone knows that Paula is not drinking Coca-Cola from that Coca-Cola cup (har har). Speaking of Paula, Harris suggests gently getting rid of both the straight up mush mouth and fellow judge Randy "I am Basically King Koopa from Mario" Jackson. Yes. I agree. They are both boring and repetitive and don't really engender any, you know, respect.
Harris also suggests setting minimums on contestants' ages and getting hipper mentors, among other sound ideas. But I think the key to an Idol comeback is really just forsaking the cynicism. I know it's ridiculous to say that one of the gooeyest "A Moment Like Making You Proud, Now" shows on television has an overabundance of cynicism, but it does. Or at least jadedness. Why are we so constantly reminded of how "the game" should be played? What's with all the overt discussion of strategy and comparisons back to previous Idolers? The great thing about this show is that it turns nobodies into somebodies; that it is, at its core, that great American story about bootstraps and whatnot. That should all feel genuine and new every time. It's certainly new for the contestants! The more the show references itself, the more of an isolated irrelevant thing it becomes. Yes, I know it's probably tiring and tedious to feel like you're building the same house every year, but too bad! That's what the audience wants. After all, this isn't Fox's or Cowell's or Seacrest's' show. This is our show. So, heh, give it back.
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Yo, yo, check it out. Check it out dog. You know, like, dude, I dig where you're coming from and all, but I'm like, now, dig it, I'm not sure I really felt totally into to what you're trying to put down, you dig?
It's not a talent show. It's a reality show masquerading as a talent show. I watched a couple of seasons, then stopped. I was fed up with, among other things, the enabling of people who can't sing and just want to be on TV by putting them on TV. Batman costume, tin ear? You're in!
I would love to see this show die a slow and painful death. I hate it.
Get rid of "theme" nights.
Why should people who are competing to be current artists have to sing songs by Andrew Lloyd Webber, or Dolly Parton et al? Just let the contestants choose their own songs--whatever they may be--and carry on.
That, and get rid of (at least) Paula as a judge.
@KarenUhOh: Richard, you know I've liked you from the beginning, dawg. You could write the phone book and I'd read it! But for me, dawg? I dunno... It was a little pitchy in spots. This just wasn't the right post choice for me, dawg.
Foreal, though? The show really has been awfully boring this year. I'm choosing to blame Archie & my not being 12 years old.
Bump the age up to 33 so I can audition. I have been singing Melissa Ethridge 'I'm the Only One' weekly at karaoke in preparation.
Ya know, uhhh, I really liked...the second post ya did...on Idol, but..not..what? shut up Simon! ha! Simon says what? ha ha he says I suck..what? yeah the second Idol post you did was better. what? I tripped over Scroll. She was on the stairs again. Who's drinking? Back to you Randy, I mean, dawwwg. heeeeeeeeeeeee*hiccup* I love yoooouuuu *waving hands in air*
@DorothyMantooth: I think I'm going to...disagree. I think you are a star. I could really feel your spirit and you were really connecting with the audience. It was magical.
*mumbles incoherently and slumps across table*
Can we please remove the stilted and embarassing choreography on the vote-off nights? If you're going to include 'edgier' contestants please don't make them twirl and gesture like they're in a lyrical jazz number.
Ramp up the CAMP, people. I don't wanna see some growelly rocker sing shitty rock versions of Mariah Carey songs every week. I want sequins, and I want bad Bee-Gee's covers on Disco Night. Why do you think so many people are watching Dancing With the Stars? This show is just sooooo serious now.
This show would be better if it featured Simon racing through dark castles, hopping over fireballs and running from ghosts, trying to save Paula, but every time he gets to the end of the castle, Paula disappears, and Randy is there, and he's all, "Yo dog, sorry, but your American Idol is in another castle, dig?" And he has to do it all again.
That would be a good show.
...I suggest a jousting element of some sort.
(and just because this is one of my favorite old Disney cartoons and involves jousting...)
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I still want David Archuleta to sing "Beat on the Brat," weeping.
Get rid of Paula? NO WAY. In fact, they should get rid of Ryan, Randy and Simon and let Paula host and judge on her own. Just think of the meltdown's we could witness.
@KarenUhOh: Or: "Dear Mister Jesus". Or: "Daddy, Don't You Walk So Fast".
@valet_of_the_dolls: or The Christmas Shoes
A little pitchy or not, it is thankfully on its way out.
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I'm waiting for Idol to give back the time slot so we can go back to watching repeats of Are You Smarter than a F'ing 5th Grader.
@BalknChain: Must reach for insulin.
The solution is simple. More cowbell.
@BalknChain: FTW!
Unless: "I'm Sending a Letter to Daddy".
In full Baby Jane drag.
@valet_of_the_dolls: dammit, good one.
Butterfly Kisses
scene: he's in bed receiving butterfly kisses from his father@blix: Got Insulin
@blix: The Rainbow Connection in a Kermit suit
@BalknChain: You Light Up My Life in Peter Pan drag. Opps, Clay Aiken already did that.
I only like it in the beginning when it's a horrible train wreck and they let all the psychos in. Once the actual "competition" part begins I lose interest.
@BalknChain: And then Chris Hansen shows up? Please?
I miss Star Search. All you needed was a few 8 year-olds with skull-shattering vibrato and dead eyes. It was a comforting, PB&J-like recipe for white-hot entertainment!
@lawyergay: Oh my god, YES! My whole family watched that first season. Anyone remember Sharon Stone's turn as "spokesmodel" contestant? Now that was a talent show!!
Say what you want, but David Cook is awesome..
I dig David Cook, but I liked Jason Castro much more.
You know the show has jumped off the tracks when your 4th place contestant doesn't want to be on the show any longer.
I saw him play with no pressure on talk shows and he is amazing.
Tonite, if anyone wins besides David Cook, you know the show is a joke. But then again, Clay as done so much better then the fat one...
The ratings are falling because the show is a complete mind-rotting piece of shit. Like huffing gasoline only without the explosion hazard.
@iamrulalenska: Absolutely. The potential for a complete Paula meltdown is the only thing even remotely entertaining about this show. Someone has cut down her supply this season because many a night she has actually been the voice of reason (with the exception of her "2 song vs. 1 song" snafu) during Simon and Randy's pissing matches, making for a very dull show .
The only thing that'll save it now is to have her yell "What the fuck are you doing?" in the middle of her critique.
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