Celebrity, fake lesbians, gossip, lebsians, penelope cruz, scarlett johanssen

A Daisy Chain of Fake Lesbians

Like two straight co-eds showily making out at a party, the fake-lesbian act trotted out by usually-classy film starlets reeks of desperate self-promotion. (Yet, our hetero male readers mysteriously disagree.) There was Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson's W magazine spread, which featured very intense staring that led us to rather sexual conclusions, despite the fact that they played sisters in the movie they were promoting. And now Scarlett and Penelope Cruz's kissing scene is all hyped up in the trailer for Woody Allen's Vicky Cristina Barcelona.

Cruz, for her part, has dealt with lesbian rumours for years regarding her friend, actress Salma Hayek. Not that she's discouraged them: "I grabbed Salma's ass just to keep things moving, because everyone was a little slow."

To conclude this chain, we bring to your attention the much-vaunted music video of Cruz kissing who people thought was her biological sister, who was also in the vid. (She was kissing another actress, her reps said! Jeez, people!) And so the snake eats its own tail.

1:45 PM on Wed May 14 2008
By Sheila
5,837 views
43 comments

Comments

tribalpottery at 01:50 PM on 05/14/08
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Girls gone Hollywood
Shariahpants at 01:52 PM on 05/14/08
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When I see two women posed as lesbians, I never feel excited. In fact, nowadays, perhaps because I am numbed by over exposure, I am never aroused by media depictions of lesbians, gays, straights or anyone else wishing to sell me their poonannies.
it takes a lot to laugh at 01:53 PM on 05/14/08
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What? Lesbians eat their own tails? The relationships don't involve mutuality?
Bell County at 01:57 PM on 05/14/08
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Isn't Penelope Cruz the one Edward Norton turned gay?
fiveinchtaint at 01:59 PM on 05/14/08
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"...reeks of desperate self-promotion."

Totally disagree, Sheila. But you already knew that.
hummingpenguin at 02:02 PM on 05/14/08
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@Bell County: that was Salma Hayek, who then turned Penny Cruz.
CodePink at 02:03 PM on 05/14/08
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Yeah, but when are the BOYS in Hollywood gonna start making out??? Like in front of me or in magazines?!?!?
TedSez at 02:03 PM on 05/14/08
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How exactly is this a problem? If hot straight women like kissing each other, that's just one of nature's little gifts. It almost makes up for droughts and mosquitoes and stuff.
Swifter at 02:03 PM on 05/14/08
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I think a little Sapphic spiciness, the MSG of modern television production, is just the right ingredient for Julia Allison and her merry little band of nymphets. Take some tech dilettantes, add lip dubs, sexy outfits and a little lipstick lesbianism and my friends, you have a winner.
Jaguares at 02:05 PM on 05/14/08
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@CodePink: Word. Tell them that and they'll give you a "that's not even funny" face.
Pithmaster at 02:07 PM on 05/14/08
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Fake lesbianism cause bad Tom Waits covers..
Shariahpants at 02:07 PM on 05/14/08
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Aren't the Lesbians on the Isle of Lesbos suing to reclaim their name? Must look into this, people. This could get litigatory.
helenanapier at 02:09 PM on 05/14/08
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@Pithmaster: And straight girls dragging their boyfriends to Ani DiFranco shows.
savaro at 02:12 PM on 05/14/08
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Woody Allen movies seem so much more appealing when I don't have to listen to the characters talk.
CodePink at 02:12 PM on 05/14/08
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@Jaguares: Followed by, "But uh you think it's hot? Cuz if you do, I mean--Christian Bale and myself--myself being Clive Owen--we can like, make out for you. If you want." (DREAM)
Mike_Jahn at 02:13 PM on 05/14/08
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I don't know what the problem is with anybody kissing anybody. Whatever gets you through the night and doesn't leave a pool of blood on the floor. Christ, am I old fashioned!
Pithmaster at 02:15 PM on 05/14/08
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Personally I hope this trend evolves into sucking toes in public..
Bell County at 02:17 PM on 05/14/08
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Branding and marketing hot.
moff at 02:18 PM on 05/14/08
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@fiveinchtaint: I don't so much disagree as just not care, as long as it keeps happening.
CodePink at 02:20 PM on 05/14/08
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@Pithmaster: Natural progression, that is.
the-cubicle-dweller at 02:21 PM on 05/14/08
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Um, this is rather tame, but it's mid-day and I caught wood. Thanks Gawker!
Clarence Rosario at 02:21 PM on 05/14/08
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Needs more Maggie Gyllenhaal.
moff at 02:22 PM on 05/14/08
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@Pithmaster: I know. My toes are super-dirty right now.
Bell County at 02:23 PM on 05/14/08
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@Pithmaster: Gotta draw the line at fake shrimpers.
DorothyMantooth at 02:24 PM on 05/14/08
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Sigh. I would so, so happily go gay for Penny Cruz.
Soooo much...
BK_KT at 02:25 PM on 05/14/08
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Sorry, all I saw in that trailer was ScarJo/Javvy Bardem sexiness.
moff at 02:25 PM on 05/14/08
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Also, Gawker: Johansson.
moff at 02:29 PM on 05/14/08
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Also, Gawker: "Your comment has been received."
moff at 02:29 PM on 05/14/08
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@moff: Oops. Never mind.
miasma-protege at 02:33 PM on 05/14/08
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LIESBIANS, all LIESBIANS!
Sheila at 02:33 PM on 05/14/08
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@moff: oh, whoops. duh. God, I'm so hungover.
DorothyMantooth at 02:33 PM on 05/14/08
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@moff: I'm posting just to check this.

But also? Can we "start a discussion" about the shameful ubiquity of the misusage of "momentarily"?
valarmorghulis at 02:34 PM on 05/14/08
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@BK_KT: is Javvy the new pet name for Penelope?
moff at 02:41 PM on 05/14/08
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@Sheila: Did you get drunk and start kissing a bunch of girls again?

@DorothyMantooth: We could, but it would take too long to engage in.
fiveinchtaint at 02:41 PM on 05/14/08
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Why is everyone so hungover today? Which awesome party was I not invited to last night? It's OK though. I had House on tivo to keep me company. That's not at all pathetic, so don't even say it.
DorothyMantooth at 02:43 PM on 05/14/08
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@moff: Forgive me for bringing this over from the other thread, but you really needed this.
DorothyMantooth at 02:44 PM on 05/14/08
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@fiveinchtaint: Hey, I watched House on TiVo last night, too!
We are clearly the 2 coolest people here.
City_Dater at 03:15 PM on 05/14/08
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The only way to stop this annoying trend is aversion therapy: let the straight boys who get excited by this hang out with Donna (mulleted softball team captain) and her girlfriend Fran (who looks exactly like Ira Glass) after they've had a few beers, tailgating before the Indigo Girls show.
moff at 03:27 PM on 05/14/08
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@DorothyMantooth & fiveinchtaint: That's weird. I just went to lunch, and when I came back, they'd changed the definition of "coolest."

@DorothyMantooth: That's what she said!
Sarcastro at 03:30 PM on 05/14/08
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@City_Dater: This sort of thing happens all the time in my neighborhood and I'm still not over foxy faux lesbian smooching. I'm incorrigible like that.
Sillius at 03:53 PM on 05/14/08
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I'm for this.

I'd go strait for Salma Hayek.
Unfun at 04:23 PM on 05/14/08
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Dios mio, Javier Bardem. My favorite Spanish jamon.
JoelTannenbaum at 05:55 PM on 05/14/08
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Wait, I'm confused. What exactly about Scarlett Johansson or Natalie Portman DOESN'T ever reek of desperate self-promotion?