On last night's anything-goes American Idol semi-finale, the remaining contestants—living headshot Syesha Mercado, crowd-pleasing cheese-rocker David Cook, and 400 lb.-black-woman-in-the-body-of-a-Mormon-twink David Archuleta—were to sing three songs: one selected by a judge, one by a star-chamber of Idol producers, and one of their own choosing. Big-hearted, coordination-challenged youngster Archuleta—the Tiny Tim of this year's proceedings—God-blessed-us every one before tossing aside his crutch (that would be his overbearing, rehearsal-banned father) and launching into Chris Brown's "With You."
What those in the industry refer to as an "up-tempo ballad," it's a love song addressed to an unseen "Boo." Here is what the song should look and sound like when sung by someone with a pop-friendly voice who can dance. Above is what it looks and sounds like when it is not. Still, no one can sell emotion like Archie, and if the performance accomplished anything, it was to convince us that he really did need, and gotta see, his Boo (whom we picture as a worn Piglet doll purchased on a trip to Walt Disney World on his 7th birthday).