Well, that was inevitable, huh? While there may have been a glimmer of a chance that the almost-sort-of likable Syesha could claw her way into the final two, it certainly came as no big surprise to find that she did not, in fact, pull it off. The David on David finale that the producers have been blatantly gunning for has come to fruition and it is going to be boring. Because I don't like either of them. I'd rather see a dust mop win than the breathy, floppy-faced Archuleta, but Cook has been increasingly annoying too, with his repetitive "start soft than go biiiiig" motif and his odd, fake-humble bows to the audience. But all that blah blah aside, the truly important part of last night was previous Idol winner Fantasia Barrino's absolutely batshit insane, chicken dancing, terribly-fun-to-watch, voodoo ritual of a performance. Simon was shocked! Archuleta looked like he was going to faint! Even if you're not a fan of the show, it's worth a watch, after the jump.

10:55 AM on Thu May 15 2008
By Richard
6,296 views
43 comments

Comments

LadlySack at 11:02 AM on 05/15/08
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That was fucking awesome.
Doreen DelPurgatorio at 11:03 AM on 05/15/08
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It was AWESOME to watch Simon's reaction -- like "OMG, I was part of what created that!"
In Other News... at 11:04 AM on 05/15/08
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Cutaway to Simon's reaction was fucking PRICELESS.
Steverino Begins at 11:05 AM on 05/15/08
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West Virginia did not enjoy this.
fiveinchtaint at 11:07 AM on 05/15/08
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Yeah, what the fuck was all that? I couldn't turn away either. Usually I fast forward through this stuff. Those big heels really made her movements awkward. Also, she could totally destroy Seacrest in a cage match.
KarenUhOh at 11:07 AM on 05/15/08
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That's how it's done, kids.

David & David: Welcome to the Boobtown.
DorothyMantooth at 11:15 AM on 05/15/08
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What I loved were the faces of the little white girls in the front. "Gasp! What is that scary black lady doing? I don't understand any of this. Not one bit."
flipper baby at 11:16 AM on 05/15/08
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It was a little pitchy for me.
cog_in_wheel at 11:18 AM on 05/15/08
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Finally - something I could relate to on this silly program. Screaming and jerky movements.
DaeSu at 11:19 AM on 05/15/08
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That, my children, is how it is done. Just don't ask me what it is.
roodles at 11:19 AM on 05/15/08
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she is hands down the best performer on Idol EVER. EVER. It was part Tina Turner, part church revival, part Paris is Burning and 100% fabulosity.
Seanibus at 11:22 AM on 05/15/08
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That was absolutely mesmerizing. Perhaps not entirely for the reasons Fantasia intended, but it was still great. She definitely showed what has been wrong with this group of contestants this year - they have no soul whatsoever. Plenty of talent, but no soul.

And I had to rewind to that reaction shot of Simon four or five times. That alone was worth the effort of watching.
Astigmatism at 11:22 AM on 05/15/08
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Unfortunately they cut away just when she's about to force her tongue down Ryan's throat. I'd buy a TiVo just to see that.
MartyPants at 11:23 AM on 05/15/08
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What fun! I'm going to watch again.

Her arms look fabulous!! I wish I could clap like that and have nary a jiggle.
Steverino Begins at 11:23 AM on 05/15/08
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Does anyone remember how "American Idol" made her sing that spiritual song about 100 times during the finals of the season she was in? It was like she literally had to find Jesus and prove it before they would let her win.

Then she did find Jesus but sort of crossed over into French clown territory. Then there was no going back.
heartbreakturnip at 11:27 AM on 05/15/08
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@roodles: I'm just going to second that motion. I love her.
Steverino Begins at 11:29 AM on 05/15/08
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@Steverino_Begins: In case it's not clearly implied, West Virginians are morons.
MsMuffinMcGuffin at 11:38 AM on 05/15/08
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I'm actually waiting for the chicken beheading...

KIDDING, PETA!
BK_KT at 11:40 AM on 05/15/08
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This woman has more charismatic stage presence than all these stupid contestants combined. Also, I think David Archuleta just became a man.
Ummwhat at 11:42 AM on 05/15/08
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I must be absolutely batshit insane cuz I loved it!
TurkeyKirby at 12:00 PM on 05/15/08
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Finally someone woke the viewers up. I think Simon was in shock because that voo-doo shit DEMANDED his full attention.
KittyCalf at 12:21 PM on 05/15/08
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i loved it. all the contestants on this show are so polished and boring. she reminded me of tina turner.
maevro at 12:31 PM on 05/15/08
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Haha, there are some great comments on this topic here, thanks.

I wanted Jason Castro to win, while there was talent this year, the show as a whole was a let down.
Rbastid at 12:40 PM on 05/15/08
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Batshit Insane is putting it Lightly.
Drug test i'm sure would prove something.

Johns would have been a much better Idol, he can have a blues or Rocker appeal and didn't seem so tailored to copying a form. Cook is good, but he sounds like 100 other rock singers out there.
MrInBetween at 12:41 PM on 05/15/08
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I hate David Archuletta with the intensity of 100 white-hot suns. I hope this eye-closing, baby-chimp-crooner wins -- and I'm convinced he will, his fan-base of idiot teenagers is enormous. Then watch him go on to infamy as the least-talented American Idol of all time.
Kublai Yawn at 12:55 PM on 05/15/08
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That is what I saw and heard whenever I peaked on ecstasy, seriously.
encoreerocne at 12:57 PM on 05/15/08
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davids who? i'm votin' for fantastia.
hummingpenguin at 01:07 PM on 05/15/08
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Step 1: kick ass.
Step 2: take names.

Simon: "Oh right, THIS is what actual talent looks like."

Go Fantasia!
NobodyLikesMe at 01:13 PM on 05/15/08
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Not only did I love it, but I'd fuck her. Even though I'm afraid she'd break me in half.
AndIAmTellingYou at 01:17 PM on 05/15/08
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@roodles: Exactly what I was thinking. Fantasia is the poor man's Tina. She's a hot mess, but she worked American Idol out last night like a two-dollar crack ho.
ouiserboudreaux at 01:33 PM on 05/15/08
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She was dropping the Lil'Jon Yeahhs in the song too, haha.

Could someone get her to do a duet with DLR of Jump?
Brad Walsh at 01:39 PM on 05/15/08
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er, nothing about that performance said "drugs" or "crack ho" to me... it was insane but in a very performance type of way, atop some tight choreography. it was the only few minutes of this entire season that showed any real energy or legitimate feeling. why a black girl with soul ends up likened to a "two dollar crack ho" for singing a fucking song is beyond me.
zaky at 01:39 PM on 05/15/08
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She's a fucking badass. I want to marry her.
Oface at 01:41 PM on 05/15/08
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She's been taking cues from the Lauryn Hill school of batshit crazy performance art.
Oface at 01:43 PM on 05/15/08
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@Oface: Dammit. With that being said, I loved every minute of it. And yes, the look Simon had was priceless. Almost like he wanted to hump her. Why the hell was his shirt buttoned down that far last night? By next week, he's going to have all the way unbuttoned with his hand down his pants.
AndIAmTellingYou at 01:46 PM on 05/15/08
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@Brad Walsh: She was a sweaty, crazy, chicken-dancing hot wonderful mess. This, coming from someone who's seen her three times in The Color Purple. I'm a fan. Lighten up.
el smrtmnky at 02:01 PM on 05/15/08
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lola falana, welcome back.
RedEngine88 at 02:58 PM on 05/15/08
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FANTASTIC!!

She is totally invited to all of my future parties now and forever because that is pretty much EXACTLY how I dance. I don't know what I'm doing, I am just doing it. LOUDLY! HERE'S MY ASS SHAKING! AW YES! IT FEELS SO GOOD! WHAT!!? CLAP WITH ME! HAND CLAPS! YES! NOW STOMP!!! OH MY GOD I LOVE DAAAAANCING!!!!!

Oh my god. I'm not even lying. This is like a drunk confessional. Do you want video? I should post video. And then never make eye contact with Gawker again.

Also: holy shit her arms ARE fit!

Doesn't it always seem to take a strong black woman to liven things up? I mean jesus- American Idol is the most antiseptic, boring shit on TV. I'm glad to see something as wild and free as Fantasia come out of it.
hhpeterson13 at 03:14 PM on 05/15/08
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She's awesome, and that red hair dye really is called "Cockscomb Red," which TOTALLY goes with the chicken dance. That was indeed the best segment of the entire season. Lesser of two evils for this Idol. Cook should win, but he needs to lose the smarminess.
plasticene at 04:18 PM on 05/15/08
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I love it when Seacrest says her hair is "subtle, just like you.'' I thought she would swallow him whole.
musicandorchids at 05:28 PM on 05/15/08
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i loved the bat-shit crazy, but does anyone have any idea what the hell she was talking about? i think i got about three words out the of the whole thing.
MarlaHooch at 06:21 PM on 05/15/08
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Thanks for mentioning the fake bows, Richard.

He always reminds me of Valerie Cherish everytime does that.

"HATS OFF!"
lucylooo at 05:56 AM on 05/16/08
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Ladies and Gentlemen: The hardest-working woman in show business!

Srsly, she should have ended the performance on her knees, with someone tossing a sable over her shoulders. She was fantastic! Anyone who makes Cowell look like someone just pole-axed him wins in my book.