Anne Heche's Ex-Husband Needs You To Give Her A Job

As we touched upon briefly on our way out the door last night, actress Anne Heche, whose ugly divorce and custody battle last year aired out all manner of crazy-scented laundry, was back in court to argue that since the cancellation of her ABC series Men In Trees (hey Heche fans: where's the nut-delivery campaign for that one?), she no longer had the financial means to make the $15,000-a-month in emasculatory alimony payments to ex-husband, Coley Lafoon. People.com reports:

"I am continuing to look for work, but I have no offers pending and the impending strike by the Screen Actors Guild reduces my prospects for work even further," Heche, 38, writes in court papers. [...]
In a court declaration, Heche indicated her financial straits were dire and that she can no longer afford to pay the $14,798 in monthly support, along with private school tuition for her 6-year-old son Homer, the mortgage on her house in Canada where Men In Trees filmed, rent on her Los Angeles home and car expenses.

She further testifies that she has been unemployed except for "one very short-term contract for a movie role," for which she was paid $65,000, or "approximately the amount I received for one episode of Men In Trees," and that her business manager recently informed her that she has "a total of $34,840.93 in all of my accounts as of May 13, 2008." All this was compelling enough evidence for the judge to grant Heche a pass on her next month's installment. Next, Heche's lawyers may actually take the unusual strategy of arguing the financial-insanity defense, pointing as evidence to the actress's utterly insane decision to invest in the Canadian real estate market while employed on an iffy-fated series at best, as the U.S. dollar swirled 'round the shitter. It's unlikely to sway the courts, but still, all hope is not lost: With the overturning by the California Supreme Court of the gay marriage ban just minutes ago, sexuality free-agent Heche can get reacquainted with her Sapphic side, and make an honest woman out of the newly single and extremely financially stable Jodie Foster!