I'm just glad I haven't had to read about Tinsley Mortimer for awhile.

X And The Pity

Shouldn't they be working on building up my social security kitty?

People give us no renown
Just because we're dull assclowns
Not tryin' to hold smart conversations
Just whinin' 'bout my generation

I'm a member of gen-x, but I only have sex with millenials.

Trying to think of how I can parlay all this recent media attention about my generation into a pay raise.

Behold the hell that is the life of the late stage (1959-1964) Boomer:

Too old to admit to watching American Idol and Hentai, being on Facebook, bookmarking naked pix of Vanessa Hudgens.

Too young to look good for our age, have any of the pharma ads apply to us, say inappropriate things to be taken as sage wisdom. We can, however, look forward to the inevitability of impotence, gum disease, and the old person odor.

Boo hoo hoo. But at least I have a house.

@chazerium: Can you really be a Boomer if you were born like 15-20 years after everyone got home from WWII and did all that fucking? Oh wait! You're one of the kids from That 70s Show! Sweet!

@chazerium: To be clear, nobody is young enough to admit to watching Hentai. Just leave it at "anime" or you'll creep out all the younger nerds.

@ian spiegelman:

They tell me I'm a boomer. And I believe them because I don't like Pearl Jam. And because I used to stay up late to see Rickles on Carson.

@chazerium: I hate Pearl Jam, and I stayed up to watch Rickles on Carson, though in the 80s and not the 70s. I still think you're in our lump. You're much closer in age to Kurt Cobain than Hillary Clinton.

@ian spiegelman: I'm closer in joie de vivre to Cobain, as well.

@rosaluxembourgeoise: What am I missing? He didn't seem to enjoy anything. Are you saying that your silly dead political system is no longer giving you joy, Red?

@ian spiegelman:
I eschew these displays of bourgeois sentimentality like "joy", concentrating instead on facing the obstacles that separate us from glorious victory over fascist Capitalism.

Certain geopolitical turns of events, occuring perhaps not coincidentally before the arrival of Pearl Jam, have steeled my resolve, though celebratory occasions have been less frequent.

@rosaluxembourgeoise: Events like the death of Communism? Events like that whole scam being proven wrong in the entire Eastern Block? Are you sure you're "eschewing" joy? Or is it just that you can't feel it because you're still wasting your considerable talent on this philosophy that everyone else has already tossed onto to ash-heap?

Still with all the hate, Red Rose? The game is over. Your team picked up their ball and scurried off the field. Come on over for the big win already! We could use someone like you!

Dude, I love ewoks, because raising them gave me the oppurtunity to do nothing professionally. It's a stress free enviroment here for me and my wife. If you would like to find out more about this growth industry, please visit iloveewoks.com.

@ian spiegelman: Communism sucks. It killed my family.

@Priam: How on earth did it do that?

Well sit right down my evil son
And let me tell you a story
About the boy who fell from glory
And how he was a wicked son

This ain't no holiday
But it always turns out this way

@ian spiegelman: Killed in Siberia in 1946ish.

@ian spiegelman: Yes, you can.

The actual baby boom - as defined by on birth rates - lasted until 1962. Then the Pill come on the scene, and the boom went bust.

In 1961, my birth year, there were more children born in this country than any other year in U.S. history. Applying to college was murder - I got rejected or wait-listed for schools I would have got into easily in a less crowded year. Every job I sought for out of college (low level editing positions) had a mob of applicants seeking it with me. When I asked recruiters how many people had applied to each one, the answer was usually somewhere around 40 or 50.

That's what life was like for us 1961-born kids. Part of big crowd, elbowing each other. We all had to develop sharp elbows.

Jut talkin' bout my g-g-g-generation.

@Priam: Well, my great-great grandfather was killed in White Russia by Cossacks in 1894, so salute.

@MisterHippity: My parents were boomers, and by the time I was old enough to apply for editorial jobs, I wasn't up against just a huge mob of applicants, but a huge mob of applicants whose boomer-ass parents were rich and had trust funds so they could work for free. And I suspect that problem is pretty much an epidemic among Millenials now, since they're kids born to boomers at their very richest. I mean, imagine what a boomer couple was worth in '74 as compared to '84. Which means we have a lot of even more awful novels and trend stories heading our way from kids who never had to bother working.

All three generations should weep. This isn't about age, it's about money, and the moneyed fucks who've been ruining the written word for three generations.

On the bright side, we did get the better BSG though.

@ian spiegelman: P.S. Rich kids... yes, being rich does mean you can't write as well as other people. Even though you might get that fat book deal because you're rich. Two N+1 editors and a few Foer brothers already got that deal for being privileged, and their books are garbage. Simply, garbage. If you never have to work for a living, you know nothing, have no right to speak, and if you do speak, you will speak crap.

That is all there is to it. If you are rich and young and fancy yourself a writer, please comment elsewhere. Why? Because nothing you say will ever mean anything to anyone who isn't rich and fancies themselves a writer. Now go away. You don't matter.

Thank you.

@Priam: Our BSG is SO much better than yours! Though Dirk Benedict was absolutely poured into that uniform!

@ian spiegelman: Sing it, Ian! Preach, Brother, preach!

And since I neither rich nor young nor unemployed, I'll just have a seat right over there.

@MisterHippity: Sometimes I get flustered and truth spills out. I try not to let it happen.

+ Watch video

I'm not sure where I stand on this.

@ian spiegelman: about 10 years ago, i qualified as all of those things. and i'm still waiting for the book deal i was promised.

@minou: Well. Now you're actually working and living. That adds at least six years to the process. It will come.

@ian spiegelman:

Why you delightfully candid class-conscious little scamp!

@ian spiegelman:
Why you delightfully candid class-conscious scamp!

@rosaluxembourgeoise:
Again? Why you repetitive little communist!

@rosaluxembourgeoise: One very late night when the whole family was on Pag (Hrvatska as if you'd never been to Zrce!) it was nearing mid afternoon and we women of the family were taking a break from drinking on the beach with a much deserved drink in the kitchen of our little apartment. The older females (roughly Boomer equivalents) started in with the whole, "We miss communism, it was so great" line, which is very popular whenever we're at the beach because it almost invariably starts with "Communism was so great, the summer holidays were twice as long!" So everyone went through all the ways capitalism has ruined their lives and destroyed civility and humanity in favor of greed and lust.

But when they were all finished, Mama Minka, who is 80 but claims to be 90, said very quietly, "Yes muci, it's true, we had more holidays back then. But perhaps you will recall we didn't have oranges."

Seeing as we were fresh-squeezing our own OJ to mix with the vodka, that made a profound impact. Regrettable, but communism simply had to go.

@Zorica: Funny thing about that story - it started in the late afternoon and ended very late in the night, and my poor writing skills muddled that entirely. It was a progression, kind of like how I started thinking about telling that story a couple hours ago, then had a drink and a fight and then tried to sleep and couldn't and so I got up and wrote it, at which point it was a very late night.

Everyone on here is so literate and quick. It's a bit pressureful for this sad little Zorica.

@Zorica:
You're obviously smart enough to see that this duel is really a dance, aren't you?

But since we're being earnest, I'll tell you; I can't help it, I love seeing kids with SFRJ t-shirts, and eating maline when it's time for maline, or jagode when it's time for jagode, and especially tresnje when it's that wonderful time, so fleeting and crazy, and there are so many and they leave sweet stains on everything and you have to make slatko to save some of that excess for later when they no longer weigh down the branches of the trees.

I've heard those conversations, too, but other variants, like it was easier to travel before, or easier to eat, or get a PhD.

Oranges most people can't afford anymore don't really make up for losing as much as most people lost. And the ubiquitous Jaffa cookies made up for the oranges a bit, even though you couldn't squeeze them into vodka, but what's wrong with rakija, anyway?

PS: Let us continue this debate at what I hope is your family's roomy vikendica in Zrce. I'll bring stuff.

@Zorica:
Most people here are not, in fact, as literate as you are. But they are quick u picku materinu.

Ah plesanje! But where is the music?

The "easier to travel" one really baffles me. But people say it all the time.

You've made me want to dip Jaffa cookies in vodka, just to try.

As for rakija, grandpa Franc makes his own and it will probably be at least instrumental in whatever ends up causing my death. I smuggle it over here in water bottles whenever I return.

I'm very sad that I've lost touch with what it would be time for eating right now. Is it too early for tresnje (or as some of my folks would say, cesnje)? I remember picking them off the tree next to our house, or taking a whole branch inside to bake into something.

I so wish that the vikendica was ours, but it belongs to a family who we (big "we" there, I've only met the parties key to this arrangement a handful of times) only know because one of their daughters dates one of our sons. That's one thing that I really miss, being caught up in family like a web. That's also one of the things I ran away from.

@Zorica:
I'm at a loss for something pithy or insightful to say; besides, your comment left me thinking "that's beautiful, and true".

I could see Jaffa cookies crumbled over maline granite, doused in vodka.

@Zorica:
Oh, and yes, it's too early for tresnje; I don't even think jagode are ready yet, but they're next.