Gawker
Welcome back to the work week! And look at that, May 19th all ready. Pretty soon it will be June and summer will be in full swing and we'll be too busy listening to the cicadas and drinking lemonade and trying to, dear God please, get the damn kids out of the damn house to care about silly blind items. For now, though, we'll carry on, with closeted starlets, obsessed publicists, and gnarled love triangles, after the jump.
1) "Which celebrity starlet are magazines desperately trying to get to come out on their pages? Editors say they are willing to pay big bucks for the first interview." [Rush & Molloy]
2)"Which new-mama publicist has named her bundle of joy after a certain D-list "celebrity" she has been crushing on for years, much to the embarrassment of her baby daddy?" [Rush & Molloy]
3) And, hooftie, if you can follow this one: "This one hurts because I would have never thought of this B list film actress as a home wrecker. She has always been a favorite. B list film actress sounds so generic now doesn't it? How about we make (#1) gorgeous and aging, but not old. How about someone who is taken seriously as an actress but is definitely not shy about showing off her body. OK, so on the set of her new film she and her female co-star (#2)who was once a B list actress and is now closer to C, but is well known and made her reputation from basically one television show and one serious boyfriend, were bonding and talking smack about the other cast members. At some point they both started talking about our B-/C+ actor (#3) who is doing this film but is known much more for two great television roles on two great television shows. OK, they were both good shows, but I only liked one. Turns out that #3 had hit on both #1 and #2 and #2 was discussing how she would never do anything with him because #3 has a long term girlfriend (#4) who used to be A list and just kind of wanders from role to role now. #2 was looking to #1 for agreement that it was wrong to sleep with #3, and #1 confessed that she had been sleeping with #3 since the third day of filming and that #3 was going to leave #4 for #1. #2 and #1 haven't spoken to each other since." [Crazy Days and Nights]
Comments
Ooh ... I know this one!
It's Shia LaBeouf!
@MisterHippity: But it's no surprise really. Shia was always a little on the butch side, you know what I mean?
I'm thinking the starlette is the Juno girl.
I am not a mathemagician. Number 3 is way beyond my comprehension.
I think the person who "writes" Crazy Days and Nights just kind of makes up his/her own designation for A, B, C and D-list celebrities.
#3 caused my head to explode.
1) Karen Allen.
2) Karen Allen's publicist.
3) Karen Allen (but maybe not after this Thursday). "Indyyyyyyyyyyyy!"
@Princess Sparkle Pony: Diablo Cody? Hot.
1. Ellen Page?
#2-It would certainly be embarrassing to explain why you named your baby Captain Kangaroo.
Jesus, the first one is a no-brainer but who follows the baby-namings of publicists? And the third one reads like a logic puzzle and it made my brain hurt. I'll say Michelle Pfeiffer!
These should just be called "Blind Items about Lindsay Lohan"
Karen Allen is gay. I used to see her at Henrietta Hudson (butch bar in NYC) all the time back in the day.
first one has got to be Ellen Page. That whole convulted thing, is it Julianne Moore and Jennifer Anniston? or Jennifer Garner maybe?
The starlet is Lindsey Lohan.
The publicist is..who cares, what a lame blind item!
The really confusing one, according to the posters at CDAN, is
1 - Heather Graham
2 - Lara Flynn Boyle
3 - John Corbett
4 - Bo Derek
Movie - Baby on Board
Karen Allen is the answer to the BI, "What actress poised for stardom in the 80's is grateful for a swan song, after refusing to play with that big-time director, who learned his lesson and hired a no-talent blond who would be grateful to him for that blockbuster sequel?"
Which H- list gossip writer should hit himself over his head with his keyboard?
Richard: The only thing I truly look forward to in June is the Fire Island Report.
Couldn't you have at least given us a Venn diagram to understand that last one?
I think I remember #3 from my high school calculus book.
@EleanorRigby: I think we're supposed to multiply the square root of stupidity
by the coefficient of cupidity. In this case, what you get is a null set, which means #3 will never leave #4 for #1, though the numbers also suggest #2 will do #4 well before #3 puts down his pencil.
@it takes a train to cry: Johnny Cochran?
@Scooter34: I agree with 1 & 2 but I think 3 & 4 are Jerry O'Connell and Rebecca Romijn.
The only one I want to know the answer to is the publicist with the d list named baby.
Is there a "Bonaduce Rubinstein" or "Puffy Magrino" kicking around in a Bugaboo?
#3 - B will pass C exactly 2.5 hours after they leave Chicago and St. Louis respectively
@Itsjustcatnip: Yeah, but they're married.
Can you tell how desperate I am NOT to be productive today?
If a B.35-list actor who has appeared in film, TV and provided the voice for Toucan Sam leaves Los Angeles traveling East at 62 mph, at what point will he encounter the home-wrecking lesbian C/C+ list Broadway and television (Dancing with the) Star stumbling Southwest, then Northwest, then basically due West, no now Northwest again, at 14 +/- 3.5 mph, a) in which sleepy midwestern town will they meet, b) how much cocaine will it take to make them interact with each other and c) what will they name their illegitimate child given a 30% probability that he or she is carried to term with no birth defects? Please phrase your answer in the form of a cup of coffee.
But Lara Flynn Boyle has done a bunch of stuff other than The Practice. Twin Peaks? Men in Black? Compulsive lip injections?
Notorious whore Heather Graham, 2-tv-shows John Corbett, and erstwhile hottie Bo Derek make sense, though.
Ok - I reread the last item for the 4th time. #2 Has to be Jessica Biel - 7th Heaven and Timberlake...I still can't decipher the rest of the item.
#3 gave me motion sickness.
@Scooter34: heather graham is taken seriously as an actress? since when?
All these responses are making me dizzy and some of the numbering is jumbled.
Someone has to take charge and make a definitive list of all of the answers for me.
1) Dakota Fanning
2) Andy Dick
Come on, people! This is tailor made for that joke!
@Mediahohoho: @TheHonJudgeSmails: You have no idea just how right you both are... But I've said too much.
@Hez: Well, I thought that I heard you laughing. But that was just a dream.
@TheHonJudgeSmails: Blind items are blind because they're most likely bullshit. They never make any sense to me, and, oh, right, I DON'T CARE.
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