Gawker
What fun would the Internet be if we let socially awkward people onto it? Here are five things that everyone does on Facebook even though they're awkward or annoying. These rules are more nuanced than "don't add me to your zombie game;" I assume we've all added those people to a special friend group labeled "MySpace orphans."
1. Who the hell are you again?
Who is Dirk Funk from Germany? Good thing Facebook tells me we have no friends in common so I can reject him right away. Of course, if you're worthwhile to talk to I hope you're not trying to meet people through Facebook but are actually e-mailing or IMing them or maybe going to a goddamn party. But on the off chance that you know I should meet you and yet you choose to use Facebook to do so, use that messaging feature and tell me who you are because I'm not clicking your sorry-ass profile photo.
2. Deal with rejection.
Many of us (including Gawker founder Nick Denton) are so loath to reject some people that we leave them unresolved on our invitations page. I usually clear out my invitations when I'm drunk; it makes it easier to hit "Ignore."
So please remember whom you asked to friend you, and if they don't reply, don't invite them again. So far I've had about eight people add me again after I rejected them, and in that time I never had an actual conversation with them, not even on IM.
3. Don't slobber all over me.
Just one social network at a time, thanks; unless we really got off when we met (and we have met before Facebook right?) I don't want to be your Flickr buddy and Facebook friend and LiveJournal follower all at once. Don't fill my wall with YouTube clips. Just chill and play it slow.
4. Don't unfriend me after an argument.
"The 'people you should know' list on Facebook," said blogger Rex Sorgatz, "is actually a list of people you hate." Try it, it's true! But it's also a great way to see who just de-friended you. After an argument at a party, my friend Ryan decided I did not deserve to write on his Funwall. Of course because he and I share all the same friends, as soon as he de-friended me he popped up on my "people you may know" list. Classy! Now instead of a disagreement we could resolve, we have an awkward official end to the friendship.
Same goes for relationships; wouldn't it be decent of you to tell your close friends first about your breakup, and not 300 acquaintances?
5. Don't worry about it.
[Gawker story removed because god let's not go into it]
Don't bring Facebook into the real world. Unless your girlfriend dumps you through Facebook status, which violates rules #6-11.
Comments
The best part is when someone sends a nasty note forgetting that everyone on the list gets to read it ^_^/.
I defriended a guy after he punched me in the face so hard that it moved my nose a little bit, broke one of my teeth, and left a huge bloody spot on my eye.
Funny part is, he's actually the one who took my profile picture.
Um, I think Richard is so cute in that video.
Uh, anyway. *clears throat* The thing that annoys me most on Facebook is: People Using Their Status Updates To Remind You That They Are A Musician/Performer/Publicist/Whatever And Are Much Much Cooler Than You Could Ever Be.
I'm still an anti-facebook hypocrite. I still tell people I only use facebook, because everyone I know has one.
i'm confused. is that video for real or is it a parody of a facebook video? also, he's straight??
What fun would the Internet be if we let socially awkward people onto it?
I was under the false impression that was the original purpose of the Internet. Worst Clinton impression ever. But I am impressed by the sleek white interior!
Just one social network at a time, thanks; unless we really got off when we met...
So what about potential Facebook "friends" you meet at parties where really getting off would be rude?
I don't do it - any of it. I'm here and I buy shit from Craigslist and that is my web 2.0ishness.
I enjoyed the video... Blakeley, that white outfit was almost as slimming as your avatar. Booger.
#4 happened to me. I posted on a friend's wall so silly comment about White Castle and then all of a sudden I was "unfriended". He wouldn't talk to me about it. I am one of those crazy people who actually cares if I hurt a friend's feelings. My friends said he was psycho and be glad I got away from him. I still miss him sometimes. When it was good, it was good.
I just poke my friends back and forth allll dayyyy long.
@thelushie: Are you Harold or Kumar?
What about when someone you know and love posts a really awful picture of you and then tags you and then everyone ELSE you know and love sees the picture and calls and asks if you have encephalitis? Is THAT grounds for un-friending?
@Melissa Gira Grant: I meant "got on," didn't I. OH WELL.
I have another rule: If the person doesn't have an application in his or her profile, don't send an application. He or she probably hates Facebook applications. Actually, never send an application to anyone. Especially the "I think you're hot. Add this and rank me as hot too" kinds of applications.
@AndThenIFoundFiveDollars: So-and-so sent you a HOW HUMPABLE ARE YOU invitation! Mr. Quelquechose sent you a GARDEN VEGETABLES invitation! Something McSomethingson sent you a SCARY CLOWNS invitiation! Harry Pitts sent you a PULL MY FINGER invitation! Ronald McDonald sent you a ICED TEA BRAND ICED TEA invitation! Smelly McNolife sent you a FAVORITE SHOES invitation!
I also hate it when some guy creates an "event" (which is always a show of theirs that I have to pay to get into) and blindly invites everyone on their friend list even though the event if occurring 500 miles away from me. I don't give a shit about your shitty open mic gig in Chicago!
The "unfriended" option on Facebook is my second favorite piece of tech. My favorite is the "Ignore" button on my Samsung Blackjack. Pressing it is pure joy.
Facebook is just one more place where my life is slowly imploding. The requests, invitations, messages keep accumulating and wanting me to apply all of this time and thought to them and all I want to do is have another *fill in the blank* and "get it under control" "tomorrow." My gmail is in the same condition. Am I filling out an application for pariahood by letting Fussbook languish on the periphery of my existence?
I covet that fish pillow.
@AuntPenny: I accepted the friend request of a stranger, thinking "whatever, I'm flattered, that's fine," only to receive a HANDJOB APPLICATION request 15 minutes later. Kids these days.
I defriended a guy after he told me he was going home with me at last call and then ditched me to find a drunk friend who was probably passed out somewhere. In fairness, he had friended me about 3 days previously having never really interacted with me outside of class, so I assumed that the only reason he friended me was to go home with me, and since that hadn't happened, why should I be friends with him anymore?
@mattymcd: And then it says it, right on your page. Mattymcd just added the HANDJOB Application.
And then you have acquaintances you see somewhere and they're friends with another friend, leavin' messages for each other all cute and one of them told you they weren't going to be able to make it to something or other of yours, and then you find out, via the comments notification, that they decided to be with your other friend instead.
....not that this takes up any of my time or anything....
About #5: Apparently I was working at some point in the recent past and missed all that drama, but I am genuinely horrified by that video. It's worse, much worse, than the way I feel when I watch the BBC's Office. I hope it is, in fact, a parody. Please say it is.
What's this "Facebook" of which you speak?
Worst thing about facebook:
- Your ex can see when you post pictures of mutual friends, and then get angry that you still exist.
How about an "Ex" button, eh? Dickbook? So that anything you post becomes invisible to that person? I'd appreciate that.
It has its flaws, but I love Facebook because it has eliminated ANY reason to attend my 10 year high-school reunion. Brilliant.
Again, I say, why can't we all go back to Friendster? It's completely backlash-proof. Mostly because you can't really *do* anything with it, but I'm starting to think that's exactly what we need. I haven't logged on since 2005, but I'll see you guys there!
For Christ sake, would you confirm Maggie's friend request already? Look at how needy she looks in her profile photo! After all you have 15 FRIENDS in common!
I wish Facebook would stop sugarcoating everything and change the "Ignore" button to "Reject."
At some point, though, a frenemy just has to be an enemy. And I really enjoy being able to put an official end to some relationships. Besides, who wants them knowing your updates?
@thelushie: I can beat that -- my youngest brother just re-friended me this evening. He de-friended me a couple of weeks ago without explaining why. His wife thinks it's because I teased him on his wall, but I suspect it's because he found out I was mocking his son's lame birthday party on Twitter.
It's possible we both have boundary issues. I blame Mom.
Anyway, he'll probably re-de-friend me if he ever sees this post.
@Pope John Peeps II: Why is making your exes angry a bad thing? I think that's one of the best things about Facebook.
I can't stand it when people's profiles look like MySpace fornicated with old skool Geocities and then bukakke'd all over page. Like when it takes 20 minutes to load and your browser nearly has a heart attack from all the apps.
But I DO love that passive aggressive thrill of unfriending people whilst continuing to post buddy buddy stuff on the walls of your mutual friends.
I recently did the accidental Too Rapid Reply to a first message (didn't note the received time). Now he thinks I'm needy obsessive facebooker and fears I will fill up his wall with pathetic attempts at flirtation.
@jackvinyl: I'm with you, Jack. Doesn't anybody know how to socialize or keep in touch like a regular person anymore? I'm old and I want no part of it.
: @gladys_kravitz: Inventions like facebook are turning the younger gereration into the emptiest vessels modern civilization has ever seen.
@CrankYank: Oh man, #6 should have been "Don't overanalyze." Cause I get e-mail alerts on some stuff and I love distractions so of course I'll reply to a message in two minutes.
i resisted the facebook for a long time, thinking that myspace was providing quite enough mindnumbing bullshit in my life, but it turns out that all my crackhead loser friends are on myspace and all my boarding school/college friends are on facebook. i have to maintain my facebook account to remember that once upon a time i was a functioning member of society.
@AuntPenny: My ex-boyfriend constantly updates his status to brag about his new modeling job, or to tell everyone that he's featured as one of the top 10 hottest guys in the country. And everyday that he doesn't have a look-at-me update, he simples puts "actor for hire". Although I want to punch him daily, I don't remove him as his douchiness provides my girls and I with ample amusement.
@ms-conniving: You used to date JFP?
@musicandorchids: There's also a severe West Coast and Southern European trend towards myspace, and an East Coast/Northern European trend towards Facebook.
The Asians, though, are everywhere! Yes!
"The 'people you should know' list on Facebook," said blogger Rex Sorgatz, "is actually a list of people you hate." Try it, it's true!"
Alas, it is true! Since we have so many friends in common, there's good reason I haven't added them, reasons like a restraining order and that rash.
1) No music promoters is my top rule. Their spam fatigues me more so than any other, because I usually never go to 95% of their horrible events. I have reached my quota with people in that line of work that I actually know and like, so new applicants are summarily rejected without appeal.
2) Agreed. If you can't handle a little effing in the bee, god forbid you should be in the same bar some night. Practice sacking up and being steely, Dan.
3) It probably won't surprise you to hear I don't mind a little slobber - it's why I put it all my followables in one spot on my blog. But don't slobber on my wall, and don't be offended if I wipe up particularly effusive puddles. As long as people learn that being online 27 hours a day means I've probably seen or heard the thing they are posting and think twice before posting it, we'll be well and truly enFonzed.
4) Heh. I have pre-emptively de-friended people just to avoid the drama of a stupid argument, and every time I've done it, it probably should have been done long before. I'm also a very liberal user of the "block user" function, which always fills me with a kind the kind of glee that only a nice metal blast door can provide.
5) [Comment redacted because Blakeley not only follows my Tumblr and is on my FB, but when I first heard that story, I was on the fence, and since then, he's kind of grown on me, the big galoot.]
Finally, my deepest hatred is saved for people who chronically "status" thoughts they should wall post or private message, like the "I just love my boo" oversharers and the sad Sally I know who actually says "[sad Sally] wonders when is it gonna be her turn?" That kind of desprosy just degrades us all, honey. I really wish someone would invent a Twittersnooze for Facebook.
I don't know... I query number 1 and 2. I find quite the opposite behaviors to be the most annoying.
1) people who pretend they don't know me
2) people who know me but reject me anyway
@Nick Douglas: The guy at the bottom, Frank O'Brien? I used to work with him. When I left for Gawker, he told me he planned on "friending everyone in the Gawker network." Looks like that's backfired a bit.
AHHHHHH i know the kid at the bottom!! I just thought about defriending him! SOOOO weird
I recently "de-activated" my FB account (it can't be deleted - CREEPY) after a particularly pathetic round of stalking an ex. When you "de-activate" you must check a box giving a reason why you are leaving, including "FB is causing too much drama in my life" (ha!). And then once you finally click "de-activate" you are told that you may return at any time by just logging in as usual. NO! I don't want that option! I want to quit you, FB, and not worry that in a moment of weakness/curiosity/boredom/drunken stupor return and waste 5 hours catching up on the lives everyone couldn't give two shits about!
It's simple: if you're my friend, then you have my number, and you can call me to see how I am or what I'm up to.
@MaelstromInTheMiddle: I disagree with the current "people you may know" theory. For me, most of them are people who look vaguely familiar or don't stir enough emotion in me to even inspire the click of a mouse. No blood hatred involved.
I added as a friend the long term girlfriend of a casual friend of mine. I thought it'd be neighborly and I know the woman. I'd been to their house. In real life. So, this woman starts throwing shit at me (on Facebook - people hardly ever throw shit at me in real life anymore since I got old - but I digress). Kittens, grains of rice, snow-freaking-globes, freaking Gummie Bears for crying out loud, and on and on. I steadfastly click ignore. Then I get this
"{redacted} sent an invitation using Super Friend Game:
, come play the super friend game. See how well you know me and the rest of your friends. I will be notified if you choose to ignore this invitation."
WTF! To hell with you stupid gummie bear throwing putz.
I wish someone would invent an application that I could use to send an electric shock (just a teensy one) to anyone who is even thinking of throwing something stupid at me.