This video is like watching creepy paint dry.

So bizarre...

Baudrillard was right. The simulacrum is true.

Hey, if it keeps them from meeting up with Chris Hansen...

I have a virtual sunburn.

On my eyeballs.

It's frightening to watch a consumer willingly both infantalize himself and plead to be further exploited and impoverished, even giving helpful hints as to how to do it best (cha-ching!). Thanks for giving academic Marxists yet another reason to be insufferably smug and snobby about the masses, Angus.

I'm feeling a good bit better about myself now. Thanks, Gawker!

Can we get talking avatars at Gawker? We promise to buy items from the emporium.

Also, "Let me show you some the things in one of my rooms."

....shudder.

And I am thanking my dear mother for her aversion to all things Disney during my formative years. One less thing to develop a sick, escapist, fascination for. God bless her.

It's like that commercial that Disney has on now... where the mom and dad, thinking about a Disney vacation, are looking online at the Disney website, and mom turns to dad and says "$1600? We can do that!". Only here, the cost is not $1600, it's your SOUL.

The adult world is very scary. Would someone please get my Raggedy Ann doll for me? And change my diaper?

The magic of Disney is that I can take my kids to see the same favorite attraction I enjoyed as a child, the flaming seizure Indian.

I say let these folks have their virtual theme park, because the alternative means they'll wander around the actual theme park hoping to eat babies. It's a public service really.

Disney has been dead to me ever since they shut down "Journey Through the Microscope."

In the words of my immortal forefathers, the Alpha Betas, "NEEEERRRRRRRDDDDSSSSSS!"

So basically this is like Second Life for sad over-the-hill single folk who wear fanny packs and babysit their nieces and nephews all the time to compensate for their lack of children...

Oh! Can you buy those giant turkey legs in VMK?

"Relationships as strong as pixie dust."

@Mulatta: This should be the new motto of the Internet.

This is not as bad as the time I found that creepy website about Ariel (the mermaid) made by some 50 year old man who lovingly went into detail about her 'budding body'. He had an annual pass to Disneyland too.

Also this makes me feel gross for having a soft spot for Disney movies up until Pocahontas and sometimes singing Disney songs in the shower :( Although whatever I sing, it always, always, always turns into Careless Whisper... I don't know why.

@FitnessMadeSimple: You think? I assumed it was Second Life for those trying to compensate for their own disappointing childhood, like maybe they can fix it this time around. I've known folks like this, and always assumed they had kids in order to play with the toys and watch the movies themselves.

You know what? I assumed it was going to be fucking retarded, and hell, it feels great to be right!

@crotchety: Well...my theory is based on my aunt, who would definitely use this if she was more tech-savvy, but is otherwise as I described above.

Hi there, little flaming Indian guy. I'm Robert Iger, the CEO of Disney. Let me share a tour of my world with you. Let's start with my office at the Walt Disney Production Studios and Corporate Headquarters.

As I drive onto the lot, you'll notice how the man in the guard shack kisses my ass. This is because when I first took over from Michael Eisner, I fired a bunch of folks, just to prove, you know, that I'm my own man. Notice that I park my fancy adult car with it's GPS tracking device, leather seats and internal ionic humidifier in the primo parking spot. That's because I'm the boss.

Notice the lovely carpet in the elevator. It was designed by Robert A.M. Stern, as was the elevator itself.

As we pass the private lobby to my private office, I'd like to introduce you to my administrative staff. This bevy of beautiful, intelligent and well dressed men and women are here to help me manage the empire that is Disney, ABC, ESPN, etc. They assist as I negotiate bazillion dollar production and merch deals with Pixar, LucasFilm and other such mega-entertainment conglomerates.

My lovely and experienced Executive Assistant will now ring the executive branch of creative services so that my breakfast of peeled organic grapes, fresh poached salmon and cream topped profiteroles can be delivered to my office on a silver tray. Would you like a bloody mary or an anti-oxidant rich pomegranate mimosa from my office bar?

My day will consist of important meetings with real people as we make creative, strategic and logistical decisions that will affect the lives of millions of people around the world, some directly, some indirectly. Artists, designers, writers, coders, producers, news directors, editors, sports reporters, international bankers, key ring drafters, tool and die workers, animal groomers -- every minute of my time affects someone, and I take the role very seriously.

Later today I will play golf or swim or do something else that rich and powerful people do in an effort to create "balance" in their hectic lives, but then it's back to work.

Tonight I will dine with my journalist wife and our beautiful and successful children. We will not eat mouse-shaped chicken nuggets, rather we will eat adult cuisine, freshly prepared, and accompanied by sparkling water and fine wine.

Let me tell you how I got here. I did not put my fate in anyone else's hands. Every decision I made was a step in a fresh new direction.

No, I've never played that online video game. Watch your little movie about it? You must be confused. I really don't have time for kids stuff. Thanks for visiting. Let me call someone to show you out.

The guy on the far right with the goatee buys Disney tchotckes with money he stole from his Mom's purse. He lives with her, after all. They squeak by on her $899 monthly Social Security check. He used to have a whole Warner Bros/Looney Tunes thing going but sold his Marvin the Martian collection at a yard sale. He was a cashier at Wawa for 3 days last year but can't hold a job because of his "nerves".

"So many memories here." Just.....wow. Er. Jeez.

@unamusedtodeath: Yes. And you thought Gawker was anything different? We have become eschonced in this simulacrum and we cannot ever find our way out, except through complete infrastructure collapse, followed by sheer terror.

This place looks like World of Warcraft for man-eunuchs. A creepy, haunted universe devoid of balls.

Did anyone else make it to the part with Angus's little VML theme rap song?

um.

wow.

@MartyPants: VMK! VMK!! Get it right! What's wrong with you? This is their home away from home!!!!

@FitnessMadeSimple: You say that like there is something wrong with fanny packs.