Premiere Nightmare, Lack of Testicles Leave 'SATC' Fighting Two-Front War

A hearty morning "Congrats" goes to the gang at New Line Cinema, which, in lame-duck fashion even more stylish than Carrie Bradshaw, sent its final film as a stand-alone studio into Publicity Hell when thousands of ticket-holding fans were turned away from last night's Midtown Handjob Market Sex and the City premiere in New York. Complaints have been aired everywhere — from the "near riot of Louboutin clicking girls" noted by our colleagues at Gawker to the bereft throat-cancer survivor in the Daily News — and we expect heads to roll within the hour at New Line HQ. Except, wait! They already have!

And that's not the least of it for the studio; after the jump, join us in watching SATC's male interest plunge!

Some industry folks, like former South by Southwest festival guru and admitted SATC follower Matt Dentler, have strictly pragmatic reasons for avoiding the film: "Sure, the movie is rated 'R,' but what boundaries could they possibly have left to push?" he wrote Tuesday. "Are the gals gonna test out some bestiality and necrophilia? I can't say that would really send me to the box office anyway." [Mr. Dentler's views do not, ahem, reflect those of Defamer. — Ed.] But both Variety and the Associated Press have far more skeptical glimpses at the big picture, with the trade noting that most men "suggest they'd rather be shot than sit through the movie."

The AP's Jocelyn Noveck, meanwhile, adds that the last hit to skew so female was the PG-13 The Devil Wears Prada:

"This movie really will be a paternity test for R-rated female-driven romantic comedies," said analyst Jeff Bock of box office tracker Reel Source. "There haven't been a lot of movies like this." Bock predicts the movie will have a strong opening weekend, then a big drop-off. "There's no getting around that this is a film oriented to women and gay men," he said. "It will be very hard to get past that, especially with a lot of testosterone-driven films out there this summer."

"Paternity tests" [?] aside, we can't wait to see how New Line reacts to the challenge. What's the worst that could happen? No, seriously — what is it? Half the office has a sick day planned Monday anyway.