'Sex Tape' Will Prove McCain's Maybe Running Mate Un-Gay

Charlie Crist is the Republican governor of the great state of Florida. He is pretty popular out there. Less polarizing than Jeb Bush, certainly. And he's been named as a possible running mate for John McCain. There is just one problem. Everyone seems to think he's gay, for some crazy reason. "Some crazy reason," by the way, means "a 21-year-old Katherine Harris staffer who claimed he fucked Crist, and who went on the say that another Harris staffer was Crist's long-term partner." Crist denies everything. And now, conveniently, the heterosexual "Charlie Crist sex tape" (ugggghhhh) has surfaced. You'll never guess who's behind it!

Roger Stone! Republican political mastermind! Nixon acolyte and dirty tricks specialist! Creepy old perv who goes to swingers clubs! He is largely forbidden from meddling in national politics anymore, because he's an embarrassment, but he still manages to keep himself involved (often in name and by reputation only) in Florida doings and goings-on.

As always, take everything Roger Stone says with massive doses of salt. But he's right almost as often as he's full of shit, which is his only actual genius. Stone claims he has surveillance camera footage of Crist making out with a lady on an elevator. That's it. There's kissing and groping, between the governor and some biologically female human, captured on CCTV, and in Roger Stone's hands, for some reason. No one has seen it yet, as he is "saving it for the national shows."

We're not sure who the purported girlfriend is, but it may be Kelly Heyniger, the beard trotted out when Crist was running for governor. She is an actress who was in a "Hottest Mom in America" contest, once. And also on Fear Factor.

It's a bizarre story. Basically Crist is an ideal candidate because he'd lock up Florida for McCain but, you know, men keep claiming they've had sex with him.

(Yes, that is a photo of Crist with disgraced congressman Mark Foley.)

Report: Crist Circulating 'Make Out Tape' To Squash Gay Rumors [HuffPo]