Why you'd never whore your way out of D6

Oh, fine. Your supportive emails dragged me back onto the Internet — tempting as Leah Culver and iJustine's offer to link arms and walk off the Internet with me into the sunset was. Someone reminded me that my contract specifies I'm bound to write for one hundred years or until my first gray hair, whichever comes sooner. So back to whoring.

D6 is all but done for, and the moguls are ready to retreat from the Four Seasons Aviara Resort. But why fly home alone? Their planes are parked at Palomar. And the Wall Street Journal conference attracts real money, not just fickle Valley money. Here are the three ways they'd play it to pick up a lady friend, right in the lobby. Don't try this, startup types — you don't have the pull.

Go with the girls with phone numbers and stated hours. Whether it's the principal or his PA making the calls, this will narrow the field enough to give him a chance of scheduling with an escort who's available today. He could try for a girl working the hotel, but only if he's flirted already and just couldn't find a way to pop the question, "How could I convince you to fly away with me?" If she's got a price, she'll say so. Otherwise, an assistant can do the work of finding a date.

Offer a premium. No need to wait for her to explain that a last-minute travel request costs more that her standard fee; moguls would just ask right away. Since they're talking money now, which is usually off-the-record, they'll be extra precise in their language around sex. No winky innuendos about the very private nature of the jet — they'd just come out and say, "I'd like to cover your expenses and give you a bonus for taking time for me on such short notice."

Treat her like a client you want to spoil. Big business brains can do the thinking for her. They'll tell their girl she only needs to get into her lingerie, a long coat and state-issued identification (she doesn't have to show it, just have it available for the pilot), and then take the Town Car charged to their account. A last-minute trip to San Jose or New York doesn't call for a fantastic dress to wear out to dinner after, but they'll likely be gentlemanly to offer her enough of a bonus to fly home that night, or a hotel to freshen up in.

(Photo: Bella of San Diego)