Do you ever feel that your editor is making a mockery out of your work? Sometimes they just don't understand. The Raleigh News & Observer sends up an imagined editing of a recent NYT story. [Which NYT story? Specify!]

Remember this article, "The Language of Loss for the Jobless," by Jan Hoffman?

The neighbor, a jovial suit-and-tie presence at the school bus stop in the mornings, disappeared for a while last fall. Nobody saw him for weeks. Finally he began to venture out — at afternoon pickup, in jeans and a T-shirt. A senior manager of a technology department, he had been laid off. Neighbors didn't know what to say to him.

Across the soccer fields of leafy suburbia, conversations are stilted these days; the bravado has a tinny ring, the gallows humor is more prevalent, the deft change of topic more abrupt. As classes let out at a city private school, a normally chatty top-of-the-heap woman, whose banker husband was recently escorted out of his office building, rushes in, sweeps up her child and dashes off, avoiding glances.

The neighbor [what neighbor? please put in full name per our style manual], a jovial suit-and-tie presence at the school bus stop [what bus stop? can you put in cross streets to orient the reader, or at least the neighborhood name] in the mornings, disappeared for a while last fall [why are we leading with 6-month old news? can't you lead off with something fresher than last fall's layoff?]. Nobody saw him for weeks [nobody? you mean he never left his house? have you verified with the homeowners association?]. Finally he began to venture out — at afternoon pickup [unclear: is that a pickup basketball game, or picking up a take-out pizza?], in jeans and a T-shirt [of what relevance are these clothes? get to the point and get out of the way]. A senior manager of a technology department [company name please], he had been laid off. Neighbors didn't know what to say to him. [how many neighbors did you interview to substantiate this general assertion?]

Across the soccer fields of leafy suburbia, conversations are stilted these days [can you cite an expert to back this up? the reader doesn't care about your impressions]; the bravado has a tinny ring [says who?], the gallows humor is more prevalent [more prevalent than what?], the deft change of topic more abrupt [huh? what government agency, what nonprofit study, what journalistically accepted official source is the basis for these claims?]. As classes let out at a city private school, a normally chatty top-of-the-heap woman [is this a real person? if so, please name her], whose banker husband was recently escorted out of his office building [name of firm, please, per style manual], rushes in, sweeps up her child and dashes off, avoiding glances. [did you, or anyone, witness this sweep-and-scoop maneuver?]

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