There's a new hotspot in The Bronx that you simply won't want to miss unless you hate sex and lunch meat. It's COUSIN VINNY'S LITTLE SECRET! Tell us: where else can you pay just $50 for six hours of hardcore lap dance action, unlimited fountain soda, and a footlong sandwich of your choice, all in "a discrete and totally safe atmosphere to indulge in your carnal fantasies": namely, a former Subway sandwich franchise. In the Bronx! We've been sent a transcribed version of the flier that "Cousin Vinny" Agnello—owner of a stripper service and the self-described "King of Bling featured as a "Celebrity" on the DIGGS WEBSITE" (two Diggs!)— is reportedly passing around the area. Our tipster says the local merchant's association is...concerned about Cousin Vinny's new venture. But we predict this will be a hot alternative to seeing Sex And The City. "MEMBERSHIP HAS IT'S PRIVILEDGES!" Vinny's full, quirkily awesome invitation, after the jump:
All Nude Private Club!
To whom it may concern:
I would like to proudly announce the opening of my first adult club, COUSIN VINNY'S LITTLE SECRET! This private club located at [REDACTED] in the Bronx, NY is the first of it's kind. During the day it is an extraordinary "Subway style submarine sandwiche shop" offing the highest quality meats along with the freshly baked bread that you would expect from the offspring of a longtime Subway Restaurant. In fact this was a Subway franchise up until May 2008 when we were disenfranchised due to politics and differences of opinion as far as marketing is concerned.
At 10 PM Wednesday through Saturday this seemingly harmless sub shop becomes the wildly, exotic and explicit, all nude private club "COUSIN VINNY'S LITTLE SECRET". The club is located in the rear, private area of the restaurant and is strictly PRIVATE! You must pay a one time fee of $20 to become a member. Some of the advantages of membership are the following: unlimited access to the semi private lap dance rooms, 6 hours of non stop, hardcore, live action from some o the most beautiful young ladies who have ever chosen to take their clothes off in public, a bring your own booze policy that will save you a heck of a lot of money in comparison to the average club, unlimited fountain soda for your mixers, a footlong sandwiche of your choice, and a discrete and totally safe atmosphere to indulge in your carnal fantasies. Our ladies are eager to please and not to mention the fact that Cousin Vinny Agnello has been a leader in the erotic arts for over 15 years. He has been called, "the creme de la creme" of the adult industry by famous celebrity, Tony Kornheiser from Monday Night Football fame! Cousin Vinny Agnello was ever referred to as a "celebrity" by Diggs.com, a very famous website. Cousin Vinny for years has been in the eye of the storm of controversy — taking on such famous law enforcement officials as Jeanine Pirro, who tried in vain to take Cousin Vinny down. Cousin Vinny Agnello is controversial, entertaining, and fun. He does not take the media attention too seriously but is the first to tell the best and most interesting life stories. Cousin Vinny is most of all known for his high QUALITY FEMALES! Why don't you stop by and meet Cousin Vinny and find out why this former soap opera actor and male stripper has such notoriety. Come to our grand opening! Sit in a prive 24 seat theatre and watch the ladies bathe together in the see through shower, or watch them indulge in their lesbian fantasies! It's all there and more at COUSIN VINNY'S LITTLE SECRET PRIVATE CLUB AT [REDACTED]. MEMBERSHIP HAS IT'S PRIVILEDGES!
PS: the first 24 gentlemen to arrive on show nights will be admitted on a first come first serve basis. Admission is $50. We advise all patrons to please call for reservations in advance. Cannot remember our phone number? Simply call information for the number to the Subway Restaurant on East Tremont Avenue in the Bronx! Hope to see you soon!
Your friend with the ladies,
Cousin Vinny Angello