As we learned in Vanity Fair yesterday, Bill Clinton has spent his post-presidential life gallivanting about the world with a small cadre of scummy billionaires. All aging boomers, all sadly unwilling to mature, all addicted to sex with women a third their age. Who are they? What do they want from us? (Hint: if you are a girl aged 14-22, they want to have sex with you.) Let's meet the whole crew! They are just like Entourage except gross old billionaires.
Relation to Bill Clinton: They became friends back in 1992 because both were self-made men who came from nothing and now could have sex with anyone they wanted. Burkle, a wealthy supermarket magnate, gave Bill a job after Bill left the White House.
Sexual Misadventures: "Good friends" with Gisele Bundchen! Also, flies around on his private jet with random NYU girls.
Net Worth: $3.5 billion.
Youngest known special friend: The NYU girl supposedly on Air Burkle with President Bill is supposedly 19. The lady Burkle was with in the VF story was also 19! (He gets older, they stay the same age.)
Relation to Bill Clinton: Bing is a big donor to the Democratic party. Also, he has a private jet that Bill likes to ride on!
Sexual Misadventures: Well. There was a paternity fight with Elizabeth Hurley. And another with the ex-wife of billionaire Kirk Kerkorian.
Net Worth: Around $1 billion.
Youngest known special friend: Unknown!
Relation to Bill Clinton: Unclear! We know he once flew Bill Clinton, Kevin Spacey, and Chris Tucker to Africa on his jet, once. That was before the various lawsuits and allegations, obv.
Sexual Misadventures: Well. He enjoyed massages. From underaged ladies! He was sued by a trangendered woman who claimed he made her his sex slave. Another anonymous lady is suing him for sexually assaulting her.
Net Worth: Totally unknown. We will accept guesses and estimates.
Youngest known special friend: 14. Yeesh.
Distinguishing characteristic of penis: Allegedly egg-shaped.
Relation to Bill Clinton: Is Bill Clinton.
Sexual Misadventures: Sued for sexual harassment by Paula Jones, accused of assault by two other women. Clinton admitted to one extramarital affair with Gennifer Flowers, and, well, there was that Monica Lewinksky thing.
Net Worth: $10-50 million (w/ Hillary)
Youngest known special friend: Well, Monica was 22.
Distinguishing characteristic of penis: Allegedly bent.