Girls Everywhere Clamor For Uplifting 'Pecked to Within an Inch of Her Life' Barbie

On a weekend when the wholesome American Girl doll "character" movement rocks its pre-pubescent influence at the box office for the first time, a loyal reader points us to a bit of perverse toy revisionism for the rest of us. Behold, in recognition of the Hitchcock film's 45th anniversary, The Birds Barbie:

This Barbie is for The Birds! Actually, this Barbie from The Birds is for you! Celebrating Alfred Hitchcock's classic film, this incredible collector's doll features our heroine being attacked by a trio of fine feathered foes, just like in the movie. Will these plastic birds damage her delightful handbag or her carefully styled hair? We certainly hope not! Be sure to let Barbie into your home and pray that the birds don't come in with her!

Modeled after the ritually abused Hitchcock blonde Tippi Hedren, we're told the figurine features "real fake birds" and a "high-quality head [that] looks scared and has awesome hair!" And at the low, low price of $44.99, fetishized victimhood has never been more affordable for the little girl in your life. Still, here's hoping this is just the start: When Shower-Scene and/or Notorious Spy Slut Barbie hit the market, then we'll know Mattel has really hit its empowering stride.