Raffaello Follieri Arrested For Swindling God Out Of His Savings

It should have by all accounts been a joyous time in the Raffaello Follieri-Anne Hathaway household—she, starring in the #1 movie in America, he, setting up a variety of high-stakes shell-games around the globe and reaping their unsavory rewards. Could the pitter-patter of little Raffaello feet—fleecing daycare mates out of their snacks under the guise of a Third World milk-and-cookie drive—have been far behind? Of course, it wasn't meant to be. Raffaello was the target of a New York State Attorney General's Office investigation, and Hathaway—likely after an all-night handling team intervention that culminated in an exhausted junior P.R. agent shouting, "You've got to leave him, Anne! If not for you—for Prada 2!"—finally broke things off with him. Raffaello, Manhattan prosecutors announced today, has been arrested on wire fraud conspiracy and money laundering charges. Oh, and there's also that little white lie he told about being God's hedge fund manager. Oopsies!

Raffaello Follieri, who was awaiting an appearance in Manhattan federal court, is accused of falsely telling an investor that the Vatican had appointed him to manage its financial affairs.

He allegedly claimed that as a result of his Vatican connections, he and others could obtain properties of the Catholic church in the United States at a substantial discount to fair market value. [...]

Hathaway's publicist, Stephen Huvane, has previously stressed that "The Devil Wears Prada" star is not part of any probes and is no longer a board member of the Follieri Foundation.

Details of Follieri's song-and-dance are still sketchy; some suggest he dazzled investors with a well-rehearsed spiel involving a prime coastal property he could unload for a steal, all due to what he referred to in hush-tones as the "Father Larabee's Petting Zoo of Molesty Horrors" incident. It now remains to be seen if Hathaway reputation can survive the Sins of the Oily and Crooked Ex-Boyfriend, and if she herself can survive any stray lightning bolts sent down to smite God-swindling confidence men.