A while back, I was the one responsible for publishing a rumor about David Sedaris—one of my favorite dropouts/essayists—picking up dudes on his book tours. Now poor Sedaris, a noted Luddite, is being asked about it, and it's just not true! "The Internet is so new to me. I didn't realize you could just go on and lie about people." Oh, David, you totally can. If he's paying special attention to anyone, it's teenage girls, he says!
Sedaris: The Internet is so new to me. I didn't realize you could just go on and lie about people. I can get on a computer right now and write "Michelle Obama said to me she hates Jews." Somebody called me the other day: "Oh, there's that thing on Gawker that you try to pick guys up during your readings." I've never done that. Ever, ever, ever. I will have gifts for teenage girls when I go on tour because I'm always honored when they come and it's fun to make a big deal out of a teenager. I take the shampoo and conditioners from my room, and yesterday I went to the museum and got a bunch of cheap bracelets. I'll often talk about how pretty she is, like, "It must be so good to be you, and you're what guys in prison dream about." But a guy? I won't talk like that to a teenage boy because I don't want it to be weird or uncomfortable. Early on I saw somebody on a book tour try to pick someone up from the audience. They respect you and are in awe of you so it would be weird to put any move on them. Plus, I'm involved with somebody. So I was appalled because I've never done a thing like that.
OK, David, we believe you. We regret the error.