Angelina Gives Birth! For Real This Time! Or Not! Don't Ask Us! We Just Work Here!

A little over a month ago, typically dependable celebrity-water-breaking newssource ET reported that Angelina Jolie had birthed conjoined-lifemate Brad Pitt's second batch of genetic progeny. But just as the world prepared to deliver a thunderous "Hazzah!" for Chosen Ones Numbers 2 through 3, the story was debunked, and a low moan of disappointment rolled across the land. Still, she can't hold on to those little messiahs forever—they'll eventually want out. In fact, one French publication called Closer (a brief look at their website suggests they cater to that lesser-sophisticated segment of France's population who demand access to exclusive photos of Really Skinny Colin Farrell) claims they are already here! From HuffPo:


En exclusivite mondiale, Closer est en mesure de vous annoncer qu'Angelina Jolie aurait accouché ce matin dans un hôpital français ! La star serait rentrée hier soir en salle de travail. Toute reproduction interdite sans la mention du site closermag.fr

Translation: Angelina went into labor Tuesday night and gave birth this (Wednesday) morning in a French hospital.

While that's a pedestrian translation at best (they forgot about all the "A Closer world exclusive! All mentions must credit Closer! Long live the Republic!" stuff), they've managed to capture the central concept: The Chosen Twins are back, for the very first time. Beyond that, details—including whether their names are Isla, Amelie, Eloise, Madeline, Gigi, Irma La Douce, or some other beloved character from the French fiction canon—are scarce. Developing!

Ohmaga! There's a development already:

In Touch has learned that the Wanted star did check into the Hospital Lenval's Santa Maria clinic in Nice, France on June 30. "Ms. Jolie came to the hospital last night as part of a pre-planned rest period, before she gives birth," Nadine Bauer, spokeswoman for the hospital tells In Touch. "The visit has been planned for a long time, there are no complications. She is just resting" Bauer adds. Angelina's babies are expected to be delivered by French doctor Michele Sussmann and her regular OBGYN Jason Rothbart, who is due to fly to Europe later this week.

Merde. Oh well, c'est la vie. And don't forget—toute reproduction interdite sans la mention du site intouchweekly.hollywood.com.