Here's something no one's talking about: those pesky high gas prices. But while other, more "reputable" news sources are ignoring this pressing issue, we here at Defamer have decided to tackle it head on. So, what's a guy gotta do to pay less at the pump? Well, we tried invading an oil-rich country and that didn't work out. We could always drill in Alaska, but that would anger the extremely powerful Eskimo voting block. So the latest solution to come down the pike is to focus on the oil we have right here in our backyard. And since this is Los Angeles, our backyard includes that place Weezer sings about... Beverly Hills.
It's no secret that the B-Hills has some oil rigs. There's that flower-covered monstrosity on Olympic—the one that's giving all the students cancer at Beverly Hills High—but the one you may not know about is right smack dab in the middle of the mall where you look at puppies and buy Louis Vuitton handbags—The Beverly Center!
According to the folks at Bloomberg, "The Beverly Center's kidney-bean shape was designed to accommodate drilling.... Pumping operations are hidden behind a wall between Macy's and Bloomingdale's."
And the mall's general manager, Jeff Brown says, "There are oil wells all over the place. Drive down the street, you see hotel, beautiful house, oil well. Here, I don't know if shoppers know there's one or not. They probably don't.''
But we do now, Jeff. So next time you're at the Beverly Center and you see a poor mountaineer a-shootin' at some food, don't call mall security, just wait for that Texas tea to come up from the ground a-bubblin' crude. Or just get a cookie at Mrs. Fields. It's really up to you.