British Tabloid's Disturbing First Person Account Of Copulating With Verne Troyer Leaves Us Gobsmacked

When it comes to interviewing the most despicable, deplorable and disingenuous Z-listers, there is no better (or worse) rag than Britain's News Of The World. After all, this is the publication that has paid the likes of Riley Giles (best known for being LiLo's post-hab snowboarding BF) and Blake "Incarcerated" Fielder-Civil (Amy Winehouse's jailed husband) to spill the most sordid details of the times they did drugs with famous people, had sex with famous people and did drugs while having sex with famous people. So, it came as no surprise to us when we saw that Ranae Shrider, aka the girl in the Mini-Me Sex Tape, had decided to grant the shame of Fleet Street an interview over the weekend to discuss her on-camera (and sans jimmy hat) romps with Verne Troyer:

"It wasn't quite as passionate as sex with a normal-sized man but he did his best. He didn't wear a condom. There was no point, they're all too big."

No condoms? Really? If you can stomach more (and really, we don't blame you if you can't), follow along as we rank the top four bizarre details that the Hollywood newcomer (and current Troyer roommate!) gave to the News Of The Worst World .

4. "Verne told me not to reach down and hold his hand when we walked in as he didn't want it to look like a child out with his mum. When we got to the table he'd fixed for the restaurant to pile three thick phone books on the seat so he could be on the same level as me. Once he'd sat down it was just like having dinner with a normal-sized man." Ranae, on her first date with Verne Troyer (see photo)

3. "I had to kneel down just to give him a hug. And anything but the traditional missionary position was just impossible. So I'd lie on the bed and Verne would crawl up my legs to have sex with me. And as he did it his feet would be tickling my knees!" On copulation

2. "For a small guy he's quite well endowed. I had no complaints. It was strange having sex with someone who couldn't reach to kiss me at the same time, except for my tummy that is! I was so relieved it was over. But minutes later Verne was ready to go again. That night we made love three times in 20 minutes, which most bigger men only dream about doing." On the size and apparent stamina of Verne's mini-me

1. "Without a doubt there's nothing Verne enjoys more than seeing himself on screen. Watching his own films is his favourite hobby. So it was no surprise when he asked if he could film us having sex. He said we could use it to get ourselves turned on. Verne ordered champagne and strawberries to get us in the mood. Then we got down to it. First the tape shows Verne pleasuring me for 15 minutes which was amazing. The next 45 minutes is us having sex. And we really enjoyed ourselves." On what viewers can expect to see on their sex tape

Now, if you'll excuse us, we're off to take a long, long shower. We have a feeling that no amount of scrubbing will ever fully cleanse us from this experience.

[Photo Credit: News Of The World]