For the first time in our country's history, the epicenter of America's commemorative period of fireworks and independence appears to have shifted to Miami. There, we've learned, the intercoital clusterfuck of Madonna, Alex Rodriguez, Lenny Kravitz and Guy Ritchie has reached its nadir with a Rodriguez divorce now officially on the way — freeing the Yankees slugger to (allegedly) pursue whatever pop paramour his heart desires. Except Madonna and Ritchie are still in matrimonial business — literally — and apparently will be for a while.
Sigh. So what does it all mean for you, the weary, woebegone gossip consumer? Join us after the jump for a bit of scorecard updating.
First off, A-Rod's estranged wife was at the courthouse when it opened this morning — and we thought we had Fourth of July hangovers:
"The marriage of the parties is irretrievably broken because of the husband's extramarital affairs and other marital misconduct," according to Cynthia Rodriguez's petition for dissolution of marriage, filed in the family division of Miami-Dade County Circuit Court. ...
"The petitioner has exhausted every effort to salvage the marriage of the parties," Cynthia Rodriguez said in the filing. "However, Alex has emotionally abandoned his wife and children and has left her with no choice but to divorce him."
The couple's 2002 prenup apparently protects Rodriguez's fortune (his current 10-year contract is worth up to $305 million), but we're hearing he's evidently got nothing on the investment planners at Madonna/Ritchie Inc.:
Well-placed sources tell us the Ritchies plan to officially split in November or December — after the Mrs.' upcoming Sticky and Sweet world tour. Why? Big bucks. The concerts are expected to earn close to $300 mil worldwide, and they've decided to ear mark that to provide for their three children's future. ...
There is a whole PR strategy that has been in place for some time. We're told the Material Girl will be "very visible" in the months leading up to the tour to "generate a lot of publicity." That's when "news" of the marriage's demise would slowly leak out, causing tongues to wag — and Madonna to be on the cover of papers and mags around the world.
Ritchie has his latest B-thriller, Rocknrolla, on the way as well — for what that's worth. And as for rumored C-Rod love interest Kravitz? His pre-holiday denial stands: He's still just hosting her in Paris. Sigh again. But Kravitz has been out of the spotlight since Baptism, we guess; we'd charge her extra for the big room if we were him.
[Photo Credit: Getty Images]