The hilarious, unhinged, and angry man (and Park Slope parent!) we know only as Blognigger has gone ahead and drafted a long, detailed list of rules of how to live with your kids in an urban environment: "We the parents of Park Slope and the surrounding vicinity hereby declare our realization that we and our children can, at times, be annoying as FUCK." The Declaration of Co-dependence covers all the basics—sidewalk behavior, restaurant behavior, bookstore/movie theater/supermarket behavior, and subway behavior. It also unilaterally bans children from all bars—well, except for "the little shitty one in the front of Two Boots."
Article I: Sidewalk BehaviorIt's pretty thorough: there's a list of restaurants that he's decided can allow children before 8, a list of restaurants that can allow kids up until 9:30, and another list of establishments where no kids should be allowed ever. ("Anyone tryin' to get laid by shelling out 200$ at Sette at 10pm shouldn't have to listen to a fuckin kid screaming—I don't care what neighborhood it is.")
I.a.1 - Parents with strollers shall not occupy more than 66% of the width of a given sidewalk's walking area, except for periods of less than ten seconds when passing jutting storefront artifacts such as elongated entranceways, outdoor eating areas, or subway stations.
I.a.2 - As mothers, especially new mothers, are often hormonal masses of cluelessness, fathers will be responsible for a family's compliance with article I.a.1. Childless Individuals are urged to take special note of these characteristics of a mother's mindstate, and to factor this understanding into their reactions to violations of Article 1.a.1; a mother's failure to make room for you on the sidewalk does not derive from her arrogance, though it may easily be mistaken for such; said failure is merely motivated by obliviousness due to lack of sleep, individual freedom, and the chemical demand of continual and exclusive focus on her children.
We agree completely. Sometimes you just have to arbitrarily lay down the rules! (That's what being a parent is all about.)
Declaration of Codependence [Blognigger]