Your Courtesy 'What The Hell Is Going On Now In This MadgeRod CynthRavitz Clusterfuck' Post

We realize it's challenging to keep up with this whole A-Rod/ Madonna/ affair/ divorce/ something-about-Lenny Kravitz business, a convoluted celebrity love-polygon which we wouldn't be the least bit surprised to learn also involved Gary Coleman, Eliot Spitzer, and a Coors Light Twin. Still, you wouldn't want to be caught at some swanky dinner party filled with effete liberal elites and not have your talking points straight. Here's a round-up of the latest:
· A personal trainer present at the exact moment Kravitz learned he was embroiled in the primordial tabloid ooze said he "looked like he was going to throw up." The link between he, Madonna, and A-Rod is manager Guy Oseary, who told Kravitz he was going to "pimp out" the singer and Yankee. Whatever that means, Kravitz disapproved of it, and fired the manager a couple weeks later. He claims to have never had an affair with Cynthia Rodriguez; this was just a retaliatory smear campaign. [NY Post]

· A day after his wife filed for divorce, A-Rod sat down with Rabbi Michael Berg, the Kabbalah Centre director, who prescribed inhaling the fumes from one Kabbalah™ brand God-scented incense stick and the uttering of four Hail Moseses for his philandering sins. [People]
· As far back as six months ago, Rodriguez was sitting at a restaurant exchanging text messages with Madonna, telling his anonymous dining companion, that he was "in love with her." A couple months later, he told the same friend, "'She's my f—king soulmate, dude.'" The friend couldn't recall any other things he might have said, but that "another $50,000 might jog my memory." [usmagazine.com]