Scratch an egomaniac and you're sure to find a sensitive soul just a sincere hug or two away from a healthy, humanitarian lifestyle. At least that's our read on ginger terror David Caruso, whose tyranny on the set of CSI: Miami can only come from a place of haunted concern for something larger than himself — say, perhaps, upholding the dramatic tradition of sunglasses-removal, or, if we are to believe the civilian investigation to which we were tipped this morning, the whereabouts of a fugitive stalking suspect he (and reportedly the FBI) might prefer to see located sooner than later.
Hide the children and follow the jump to enter the frightening world of... the David Caruso Stalker Chronicles.
As recently as April, Austrian authorities were reportedly searching for an unnamed 41-year-old woman who skipped her trial on charges of stalking and threatening to kill Caruso and his "butt-ugly Latina whore" — generally believed to be his former TV wife Alana De La Garza. That was the last we heard of it before this week, when a subculture of stalker hunters leapt out of the woodwork and into our morning coffee. And they make the outlandish Marilyn Monroe collectibles circuit seem better-adjusted than a Honda:
Yesterday this site published the above photos of David Caruso's stalker, speculating that the photo on the left was indeed David Caruso's stalker. As predicted, when Gabriele Huber's Internet access became available in her spider hole, she went into triple overtime vehemently denying these images were her. Does that mean the woman posting the denials IS Caruso's stalker but the photos aren't? Huber also denied using the pseudonyms Vixen, Anonymous, and QB2die4 as well to post these denials. As Frank Tripp would say, honey that's a "felony stupid."
Er, right. Anyway, if you happen to see this woman bumping around Innsbruck, feel free to casually ask if she caught last week's CSI: Miami or if she knows where to find a good defense lawyer. Just in case, you know? Caruso's bullied, beleaguered crews are counting on you.