Christian Bale Denies Kin-Assault Allegations, Retreats To Bat Cave For Marathon Brooding Session

It was the Blockbuster Scandal That Ate the Morning! There it was, splashed across the pages of every paper from The Gotham Times to the Gotham Mirror: Batman was behind bars for allegedly attacking his own sister and mom—in a sense turning him into the very kind of societal ill he'd committed his life to ridding using a wide variety of bat-shaped objects. Out on bail and charged with no crime, Bale's lawyer told reporters the accusations aren't true:

Bale said the allegations were false Tuesday, hours after the Wales-born actor was arrested, questioned by London police and released on bail. The 34-year-old actor spent four hours talking with authorities but was not charged.
"Christian Bale attended a London police station today on a voluntary basis," read a statement from Bale's lawyer, Simon Smith, of the London-based firm Schillings. "Bale, who denies the allegation, cooperated throughout, gave his account in full of the events in question, and has left the station without any charge being made against him by the police."

A woman thought to be Bale's sister Sharon told reporters "it's a family matter" from her home in Corfe Mullen, 110 miles southwest of London.

We hope that this unfortunate set of circumstances will soon find itself [SPOILER ALERT!!!] hooked via bat-grapple to the tail of a private jet and whisked off forever into a cloudy moonlit sky, a regrettable chapter-closing best enjoyed in IMAX.