Yesterday's casting call, for users of cognitive enhancers, has produced a winner. W, a 27-year-old with a "big, fancy job" in Manhattan, says she started taking Adderall in college, and never stopped. "Beats the fuck out of coffee," she says. For her not-so-tragic tale, read on.
This is probably the worst idea ever, opening myself up to potential Gawker scrutiny. But fuck it, why not tell the truth? This is a huge part of my life that I can't, or don't, talk about.
I started taking Adderall and Dexedrine in a recreational capacity when I was a sophomore in college. I liked it. A lot.
So when my friend who had introduced me to the drugs left town I decided to get a script of my own, and I've had one ever since. It's been about 6 years now. And I don't just have a script, I have a HUGE script. I've always been the bossy type with doctors, believing that they're just like everyone else ( i.e. you, or at least I, can push 98% of them around), and as a result I've consistently gotten doctors in all 3 states I've lived in since to prescribe me quite a bit above the supposed maximum daily dosage.
Is this a good thing? Well it is and it isn't. On the plus side I fucking love it. I love my orange pills, they mean I don't need to sleep (or at least not for a long time) or eat (or at least not very much) and my kitchen is always very clean.
Clearly I should be thinking about my future though, right? What I'm doing to my body, my mind... what sort of effect an amphetamine addiction this large has on one's relationships, both personal and professional? How will I ever stop? Will I ever stop? I assume I will but can't imagine it, not quite.
I am addicted to Adderall, there's no doubt in my mind. But I'm functioning at such a high level it's hard to feel motivated to stop. And then inevitably I have to wonder if it's a problem if it doesn't cause problems... I've seen this drug wreak havoc on people, but generally I think it makes me happier than I would be without it. I think.
But yeah, I'm a 27 yr old girl, I live in Manhattan, and everyday I wake up, pop some amphetamines and go to work at a big, fancy job. Beats the fuck out of coffee.