More Death, Less Cuddling on the New Meaner 'Animal Planet'

One doesn't need to look far to see that we prefer seeing things fall apart, tear up, tear asunder and eventually decay leaving only a bleached carcass lying on the windswept beach of what was once a lush forrest of our malevolent interest. (woah! Wha?) I mean, we like watching pain! It took E!, OK! and Tolstoy! about two seconds to realize this but it took Animal Planet nearly 11 years.

The 11-year-old channel, owned by Discovery Communications, is one of the best-known brands on cable, but its ratings have stagnated for several years. On Feb. 3 the channel will start programming specifically for adults, scrapping its previous "something for everyone" style.

"It made us unimportant to everyone," said Marjorie Kaplan, who became general manager of Animal Planet last year.

So that's it, then? No more cuddly wolf-and-lamb PG-13 omniscient third-person narrations of peaceful wildlife tableaux? Nope! Shit's gonna eat shit and we're gonna watch!

[T]he new Animal Planet will emphasize predation programming (a friendlier term for animal death action), pet shows and immersive storytelling.

"Escape to Chimp Eden" will feature chimpanzee rescues in Africa; "Groomer Has It" will test amateur and professional animal groomers; and "Whale Wars" will cover the controversial practice of Antarctic whaling.

Ooo, can't wait until the episode when Dr. Phil visits the bonobo with a Klonopin problem in a jungle hut in Kenya. RATINGS!!!

After Ratings Slip, Animal Planet Turns To Its Wild Side [NYT]