Britney Spears' Suicide Note Found, Contains "Lines from poems about death"

Human tabloid (humanoid, tablun?) Britney Spears wrote a suicide note, reports In Touch. It contained "lines from poems about death." She wrote it days before she was taken to the hospital. She left it on a bathroom counter. It was found by Sam Lutfi. It was "very sad." But more importantly what poetry does Britney Spears use to die with? If we had to guess, we'd say there was some G.K. Chesterton, some Shelley and even a little Yeats. After the jump, we take you inside the frazzled addled sad saddled muddled muddy mind of Ms. Spears.

First she probably Googled "death" and "poetry".

Then she clicked on the first link or maybe she was feeling lucky. Either way she'd end up at Poetry about Death.

She probably became excited at the first poem, A Ballade of Suicide by the early 20th century British poet GK Chesterton and clicked through to his poem. "Ooo," she thought, scribbling down the first line: "The gallows in my garden, people say/Is new and neat and adequately tall;/I tie the noose on in a knowing way/As one that knots his necktie for a ball."

At this point, she probably grew bored and found the ABAB scheme a bit repetitive if not oppressive. Scrolling down the page, her eye might have been caught by Yeats' Upon a Dying Lady. "Hey," she thinks. "I'm one of those!" With her day-glo pink gel pen she quickly cribs:

She is playing like a child
And penance is the play,
Fantastical and wild
Because the end of day
Shows her that some one soon
Will come from the house, and say
Though play is but half done
"Come in and leave the play.

But by this time, Adnan is knocking at the door. Jayden and Sean Preston are knocking on the door and Symbolists never agreed with her anyway. So she wipes a tear from her face, signs off XoXoXo Brit, presses the paper to her lips and leaves it next to the Q-tips.