Oh, New York Times Metropolitan Diary, how we do love thy exceptionally pretentious and mildly prejudicial ways so far this year, and really, every year.

  • 'My 3-year-old, John, went to his Italian class on the Upper West Side early last month.'
  • 'One morning, I returned to the building after walking my 10-pound shih tzu-poodle, Humphrey.'
  • 'I took my car from our upper West End Avenue apartment house garage.'
  • I ended up in the wilds of the South Bronx. At first I thought the street I was on was deserted, until I noticed a group of rather burly youths...'
  • 'My response was: "You are one of the smartest supers in New York. I know you'll understand it.''
  • 'Some years ago, two very tall N.B.A.-looking men stood face to face, talking, on the narrow New York sidewalk near Macy's, as I, a petite 5-foot-3, approached.'

Burly Bronx youths! N.B.A.-looking men! Gasp. Let's hear some other Diary one-liners. You can make them up; it's not as though these things are fact-checked.