Short scary prophet of the absurd Tom Cruise recently claimed in a video that he feels good driving by car crashes because he knows he—as a Scientologist—is the only one who can really help. It makes sense then that the diminutive star—who once made me contemplate being a bartender after watching Cocktail and later taught me that rich good-looking people are the scariest of all nuts—is the first man in the world to buy Ducati's new motorcycle. The Desmosedici RR is a " $72,500 superbike bristling with titanium, magnesium and carbon fiber technology that can scoot up to 200 mph." Which means! Cruise will be able to pass even more car crashes per day which will only stoke his firm conviction he is the only one who can help. In fact if he's lucky, he might ever help to cause a few!