Advertisers are spending $170 million on the Super Bowl because they don't think you will skip through the ads on your TiVo, but you probably should anyway, because the Madison Avenue panzies are planning a bunch of "soft" and "gentle" and "nice" ads that don't even involve anyone dying. Instead they show a Mexican mariachi in a sombrero seducing a redheaded office worker; a podcasting baby; and Justin Timberlake "having a lot of fun with himself." Then three weeks later the Oscar awards show is probably going to be just history lessons, overlong film clips and various bizarre segments that have nothing to do with celebrity actors and directors in ridiculous clothes, since they'll all be fighting a writers' strike that has already robbed us of far too much precious television. Since there's nothing redeeming to do, maybe leave the house and enjoy the historic lack of snow or whatever.

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