You think you have mommy issues? Meet Alexander, a 23-year-old teacher who just barely eked his way into a Thursday speed dating event at 230 Fifth featuring wealthy 35+ women all of whom had to show proof of at least $4 million in liquid assets or divorce settlements. Classy enough for you? Okay! As Dealbreaker tells it, Alex felt the $50 entry fee for “A Speed Date for Rich Women and Hot Men (Sugar Mamas and Boy Toys)" was a little steep, so he planned on skipping the whole sordid affair. His gross cougar stepmother was having none of that, so she called up the event's coordinator to strong-arm the guy into letting her cheapie stepson in. We got our hands on the voicemails. Take a listen to the first—we've removed identifying phone numbers to protect the twisted:

The motivation for this selfless act of advocacy? After the jump, listen as many times as you like!

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