In Email To Staff, Sam Zell Masters The Art Of The Subtextual 'Fuck You' Does Tribune CEO Sam Zell seem like a rumpled and eccentric batshit kooky homeless dwarfy man to you? Good news! You're an excellent judge of character. In an email tenderly addressed today, as usual, to his "fellow employees," Zell discusses increasing his reported token annual salary by two pennies to 52 cents. Diplomatic hobgoblin that he is, Zell writes: "Do I need a committee, meeting and another consultant to change that policy? Oh, that's right, I'm in charge now. What policy?" We'll give him one thing-saying 'fuck you' to his employees without actually saying 'fuck you' to their faces on camera is an art. Progress! Full e-rant after the jump.

Fellow Employees,

You may have heard me say that I will be taking an annual salary of 50 cents. Apparently, that figure was disturbing to some people. Someone on my team recently received an e-mail from an employee who was concerned that 50 cents does not divide evenly into 26 paychecks.

So, I've decided we should form a committee, hold a meeting, and then hire a compensation consultant to decide if my salary should be increased to 52 cents a year.

While I'm sure that falls under the cap for raises, it may be against some old policy restricting salary increases for employees with less than 12 months of tenure.

Do I need a committee, meeting and another consultant to change that policy?

Oh, that's right, I'm in charge now. What policy?

More to come…

Sam

Keeping the employees squirrelly and twitchy is fun!