Scientologist Isaac Hayes, formerly Chef on the TV series "South Park," has a new gig singing custom Valentine's Day serenades for Sprint cell phone customers, via computer magic. There could hardly be a better way to tell your loved one you will be with her from stalled to a clear to OT, washing off her Thetans every step of the way. Sure, it would be nice if Sprint's computer Isaac Hayes could sing classic Tom Cruise lines like "I've canceled that in my area" or "when you drive past an accident, it's not like anyone else," but it's still possible to coax a pro-Scientology gem out of him, as shown after the jump.

[Sprint's Isaac Hayes]

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