Serene Britney Spears Doesn't Know Why You Keep Offering Advice

  • Britney Spears is finally on the right path. Model Heidi Klum made her look a bit more sane by offering to fix all of Spears' problems for her, an offer that of course succeeded only in making Klum look as crazy as Dr. Phil and Courtney Love. Then Spears took another step down the path toward appropriateness and normalcy by going clubbing with her father. Everything was going so well that Spears decided the time was perfect to try on wedding dresses and steal a blouse. She ended up very glad about not wearing a bra.
  • Amy Winehouse is so sweet. She's brought autographed pictures to the jail where her husband is being held so he can trade them for very cheap heroin. A lot of wives wouldn't go to such lengths right after their husbands had just overdosed in the very same jail.
  • If you give Pete Doherty $30,000 to perform for you, your wife and your three children, and he of course shows up too drunk or high to stand, just give him seven hours to sober up, you're as good as gold. Then his handlers can talk about how you "certainly got value for money.... not many fans get to spend such quality time with their hero." Also, you can go down in history as "the guy who hired Pete Fucking Doherty to perform for his kids." [Showbiz Spy]
  • Rudy Huxtable alive, hot, sweet. She's even sweet to the filthy paparazzi. [TMZ]
  • If you touch J. Lo's private vaginal birth room, ever, she will cut you. [P6]
  • Dear Jennifer, I sold you out because I want grandchildren, and I got tired of waiting for that bitch Angelina to fly the coop. I'll take pictures for you at the wedding. Love, Brad's Mom. [Showbiz Spy]
  • Flavor Flav is promiscuous, broke and has a crazy and inappropriate hustle on to make money. This is not gossip so much as the immutable state of his existence, right? [P6]
  • Don Johnson has a fan! [TMZ]
  • Observer's Spencer Morgan doesn't get to bring his friends to his own birthday party, only Anna Wintour, because his fiancée is obviously wrong for him. [P6]