nothing i like better on a man, especially a portly one, than an ass-skimming t-shirt paired with black socks.

Why would you want you want to cheat when you have that beautiful son ....er, um... Shannon Tweed at home?

I just threw up in bed

Why is Gene wearing flip flops in bed?

He's chewing gum? omg...all I can think of is his kids watching this. I smell a reality show being canceled.

I won't believe it's him until I see him extend the tongue.

Oh sweet fucking Christ. I just threw up in my mouth A LOT.

And they say romance is dead.

um... big tongue, small penis?

Oh for the love of all things good and holy! I think there needs to be a new label: NSFATAPAW - Not suitable for any time any place any where.

Does she wear a corset when selling energy drinks?

hold the fuck up. i was going to say something about the foreigner soundtrack being priceless (and the fact that he can't be bothered to take off his god damned pants), but please...someone tell me, because i can't look again--is that a giant pair of tit pillows on the bed?

MY EYES! MY EYES! MY EYES!

and oh dear god, is that a millimeter of peen that's visible? Noooo! Why did I look??

he put on a condom, that is ALL THAT COUNTS people!

Yesterday, paedophiles. Today... whatever this is. Gawker is better than bulimia!!

I just threw up in someone else's mouth.

A little.

The only possible way that outfit is excusable is if she grabbed him off the can while he was taking a crap.

also, who is buying this thing? It's being marketed as the GENE SIMMONS SEX TAPE - is there a market for rabid, homosexual kiss fans?

Actually, don't answer that.

He's worth a deuce.

Who's next, Slash, Flea, or The Edge?

I haven't seen that kind of passion on tape since Heidi Montag.

The GUM in the mouth - a classy touch. I love how she won't kiss him but he keeps on trying again and again. Look Gene when the whore/spokesgal/stripper won't kiss you the first time, don't bother trying again.

Ivanka, how could you?

Oh, yeah, daddy issues. Got it.

this should be #71 on the Stuff White People Like blog

@Michael Jahn: I'm betting the farm that Weird Al's pony rides with real Shetland ponies will surface soon.

Boy this next upcoming season of Family Jewels is going to be good.

I'm fully expecting people to throw up on me tomorrow, because I'm sure that watching that has visibly disfigured me for life. I feel hideous and emotionally unclean - it's just as well that I'm currently paralysed with nausea, as it's the only thing stopping me finding a hammer and beating the fuck out of my own, now forever-tainted, brain. I can never look a human in they eye, ever again. This is the sexual equivalent of an Al Qaeda beheading tape. This is waterboarding for the mind. These are the end-times, my dear Gawker friends. These are crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy nights.

"Gene, I've got to be back on the tradeshow floor in 20 so don't mess up my lipstick and I can't take off the corset."

SOMEONE PLEASE CONFIRM THE TIT PILLOWS! I'M NOT KIDDING, PEOPLE!

@PirateHooker: Fuck you, I'm not watching that again - I've already got to pass a tape of it onto somebody else or Gene is going to crawl out of my computer screen and fuck me with his socks on or something...

@Michael Jahn: My money's on Elton.

@PirateHooker:
I am the woman in the video and I can confirm that those are indeed "tit pillows." I'll be doing a Q&A tomorrow at 1-3PM if anyone has any questions.

Yes, they're real.

@PirateHooker: It could be. Either that or two teddy bears in a daisy chain. No, I think you're right. No teddy bears have nipples in the backs of their heads. Ace Frahley may.

@Dickdogfood:

The bitch is back.

um, that was kinda hot.

No, I'm just screwing with you, that was fucking gross.

Now my eyes are bleeding.

Was it really necessary for him to use his spit to lubricate the woman? eeew.

I like to think the pillows are Snugglepot and Cuddlepie dolls..
[shop.atmitchell.com]

...although mingling the gorgeous images of my childhood with this is doing my head in.

She's right not to want to KISS him. ha!

Trying again...

[www.lib.monash.edu.au]

My EYEBALLS just threw up bile.

I like it when she stops to take off her flip flops midway through the second clip.

I think I am going to have to be treated for post traumatic stress disorder after seeing that shit. That is absolutely revolting.

Well that breakfast didn't stay down long.

I don't even want to press play. That's a new feeling.

Gene Sins Mom. Immense song. Gene Simmons. Ah, go figure.

1. Energy drinks spokesperson needs energy drink! (though if I were her I wouldn't be super entusiastic either)
2. So much for the idea of Gene Simmons Rock-God & Sex-God. I really wish I could unsee this display of sad geriatric sex.
3. I'm part glad and part disappointed that the giant tongue didn't come out to play.
4. Cannot wait for the next season of Family Jewels.

@Michael Jahn: if by teddy bears you mean two fat gay guys. and if by heads you mean asses, which really just doesn't make sense ever.

@RedHotAries: ah...the plot thickens.

so that's what married people sex is like. huh.

and

premature ejaculators are embarrassed for these two.

and

nope, that's all i've got.

Flagrant misuse of a whore. Shame!

Re: The Gene Simmons Sex Tape...Where to begin? Well, Gene, after seeing fottage of you with woman and you talking about how many you've had and how much of a womanizer you are, After watching your pathetic and embarassing display of love making, It looks like it was your first time. Do you have any idea what your doing in the bedroom?? After all your braging throughout the years, we were expecting this crazy, hardcore, no boundaries kind of sex. In this tape it just looked like a nurse snuck into the room of a elderly patient and tried to have sex with you. Anyway, it's a sad, sad, sad thing, All I can offer you is pitty.

What's the vid called? Orifice and Hole?

That was a pretty nasty display Gene. (shudders!) This is what Shannon looks forward to under the covers??? Well, there is all that money to consider so hopefully she is using some of it to romance a few hot, muscular young studs. She's still a beautiful woman whereas you're a saggy old fossilic has-been with a bloated ego and bank account.
Better yet, she should sack your ass and take you for half of what you're worth.

Come on Shannon, you can do so much better!

I laughed so hard at all the comments you posters wrote I almost p'd muh pants!

I think there are some potential world class comedians in the making!

I do know that if a guy made love to me like he did to this balloon breasted bimbo I think Lorena Bobbitt would come to mind and he would never have to worry about another woman falling asleep on him or for that matter under him again. (Is it in yet?)

I think, if this is the kind of sex Shannon has had to put up with for all those years she probably begged him to do it, just so she wouldn't have to. Good thing he has lots of money that she used to pay the poor girl for the less than enthusiastic performance. GAG me with that little tootsie roll.

I agree with you all. I just threw up in my dogs mouth and both our eyes are bleeding. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!