If there were any justice in the world, at all, Gimmick book writer AJ Jacobs would be ashamed of his article in the latest Esquire because it would suck. The article goes like this: Jacobs gets permission from his wife to screw his young hot nanny, drools all over her, pushes the innocent girl into the scuzzy world of online dating, uses her account to flirt with and extract information from suitors and then actually sets her up on dates with a few of these guys, all no doubt so he can write a big article about it in Esquire. The problem is that the article emphatically does not suck, it's actually kind of an awesome read. And Jacobs arguably does his mostly male readers the service of illustrating how disturbing their behavior toward hot women is:
No one has said my lips are like rose blossoms or my throat is as smooth as alabaster.
Men don't have time for that anymore. We live in the age of transparency. Say what you mean and mean what you say. As in:
"You are a very pretty lady."
"I think you are very attractive."
"You look very pretty."
I've been approached by more than six hundred men, and that's one of the big themes I've discovered in their method: Cut to the chase.
The directness has its charms, but like everything else about being a beautiful woman, it has its dark side as well. One suitor tried to seduce me with this line: "I would like to stalk you." Another said, "I am in a committed relationship but am looking for a girl on the side." Honest? Sure. To the point? Yes. Creepy? As hell.
When men aren't being creepy, they are being a little needy:
I was actually prepared for the scammers and the swagger. What I didn't expect was many men's tragic vulnerability when faced with a dazzling woman. One guy frets that his eyes look weird in his photos because he tried to blacken out the red eye from the camera. He just wants Michelle to know they aren't that weird in real life.
A martial-arts enthusiast admits flat out that he's not worthy of Michelle but wants to let her know that "you are gorgeous."
A forty-one-year-old classical musician writes, "Not being striking in the looks department, I am someone who needs a chance to show his intellect and soul. And I realize how hard that will be when the first impression is made by pictures and written words, but I most sincerely hope you will give me the benefit of the doubt." You want to take these guys out for a milk shake. Or sign them up for Tony Robbins. Michelle and I send them encouraging notes: "You are a bit out of my age range, so I don't think it will work out. But I think you're a nice-looking gentleman."
Still, it's rejection, and a lot of men take it hard. "Never will we share a malbec overlooking the Rio at CÛrdoba in Argentina," writes one Harley-riding architect. "Never will we stand together in Amsterdam looking at Vermeer's Woman Pouring Milk. Never will I hold your hand. Never will I look into your eyes. Never will you look into mine."
Men will do anything for you... It's a side of men that other men just don't get to see.
Jacobs' real coup isnt so much anything in the article as the act of writing it: He's in virtual drag, flirting with men, setting up dates and actually pumping his fist in the air when one favored suitor — "my discovery.. my stand-in" — does well with his nanny on a real-life date, and yet still he calls other men creepy and surprisingly emotionally honest. Well played.