Tip: Dismantle an Inspiron and stuff a MacBook in its shell. It'd fit. Gizmodo or LIfehacker: please buy this idea from me for $1.

"Stolen" my ass. They are returning to base for final instructions. This is the moment I've been warning you all about.

It begins...

@Malarcus: You are scaring me, Borg.

Dude... you're not getting a Dell?

Dear Via Email:

Just imagine Feist playing in your head.

I have a kitchen table in Manhattan -- and I don't have a roommate.

Suck it, Williamsburg.

I'll say it again. This shit don't happen in Astoria!

They were afraid of the nacho cheese powder caked on your roomates keyboard.

i guess it's safe to say that steve jobs is going to sleep with a smile on his face tonight and dell just entered some fucked up vortex in which it's shoving all of it's annoying commercials up it's own ass.

all thanks to you, williamsburg!

The question with all the thefts is - did they take the Apple remote as well? If so, they are real Mac fanboys and I am sure the trusty investigators will find them at the nearest Genius Bar spreading the good news of Leopard to all.

I live in a college town (psssh, nevermind, I live in Athens, GA - it's THE college town) and sometimes I wonder if my MacBook Pro and iPod Touch would completely distract any hipster theifs that were to enter our apartment, leaving my roommate's Dell and 3rd gen iPod untouched. She actually jokes that all my cool crap is the best security system she could ever ask for.

I took your Macs hostage, Williamsburg, and you're not getting them back until you shave those beards, ditch those Converse, give your little sister back her jeans, and get a real job. And no, freelance graphic designer/ tumblr consultant/ douche about town is not a real job.

I'm sure, somewhere in Williamsburg, is a hipster who's roomate had their HP laptop with disc drive stolen while said hipsters' Apple IIE was left unscathed.

I hope so, anyway.

i always had a kitchen table when i lived in manhattan. wtf is special about a kitchen table?

Question Ryan, being that you live on the West Coast.. do you even know what a Williamsburg is?

@Reluctant Financier: I'm sure he reads Gawker, and saw the earlier posts about it.

Besides, I'm hoping the roomate with the Dell arranged for the stealing of his asshole roomates Apple equipment.

Some poor thief out there in Williamsburg is stuck listening to some spandex-wearing 80's wannabe band tonight.

@Go Like Hell Machine: Correction: American Apparel wearing 80's wannabe band.

@Go Like Hell Machine: Thanks for the correction, because frankly I went to HS in the 80's. I didn't have spandex but I did have a kick ass pair of parachute pants. Soo many pockets they could never find the wacky tobaccy.

I think Adobe's got a right to get back all those stolen copies of Photoshop any way they see fit. You're never actually gonna put up that site, anyhow. Really.

My sister has an actual dining room table. Kitchen tables are so Levittown. And, apparently, Williamsburg. Who wants to eat or entertain in the same tomato-sauce splattered space that has a garbage can? Ugh.

The reason they stole the Apple products is because Apple isn't worth the money. You get so much more for your money with a PC (and I'm typing this on a MacBook Pro by the way). I wish I had stolen my MacBook Pro instead of paying ridiculous amounts of money for it, because I've had it for just over a year and it's already on the fritz. Macs suck. And iPods are crappily made too. I don't know anyone who's had one for more than a two years before it died.

@jrhys:

You are my hero.

Sooooo, are you gonna sit in front of Sea with a three-stringed, out of tune, child sized guitar (purchased from the smelliest, oldest thrift store in Queens- sweet!) and sing a really sad assed song about it with a coffee cup collecting change to buy a new one? And then go buy a new one with the secret Amex card you got from your parents?

Maybe Apple products realized they were in Williamsburg and ran the fuck away? Not saying you are hipster trash...but your neighbors are.

Right, by kitchen table you mean it functioned as a bedroom door in it's past life.

Silly Williamsburg, always throwing rocks at the throne. We sympathize with you, we truly do. I mean, who wants to be known for the petri dish castoffs and the missing X chromosome set? There there...

It seems to me that many neighborhoods in Brooklyn and the vast majority of downtown Manhattan are probably Mac-only zones. Why the singling out of Williamsburg? It's not like the cafes of Park Slope and Chelsea are filled with Dells and HPs.

what is this dell of which you speak? and this H&P? what?

Holy fuck - Apple is even better at getting their shit stolen than Microsoft! Have you Apple snobs run out of trivial hardware differences to brag about?

Dude, you're getting some bars on your window. I got robbed in Williamsburg a few years back. They took: 1 digital camera. $20. 1 passport. 1 credit card. 2 pairs of high heels.
I shit you not. Two pairs of high heels.

@thedecider: correct.

Because NOTHING happens in Astoria.

Identity theft is almost non-existant in the 'Burg because nobody has one of their own.

I'm sure this is just performance art.

@heroinandpeeps: ha!

We can only hope that Ben "Yr' Getting a Dell" Curtis didn't lose his Tequila pouring job....
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