Attn: Virus With Shoes

Your Clown-a-gram has arrived.

@PandoraSpocks: You know, I heard someone at my door this morning, but I never answered it. This must have been left with a neighbour. I think it's went off a bit, though.

Also - the quote makes no sense whatsoever. It's like reading a speed-ball.

ps - thanks for thinking of me. I owe you.

I think this was filmed in my Grandma's condo in Century Village...

@richardmarxhatesmyhair: Tell your grandma she needs more fill lights. And enough with the strangely boyish blondes on the tables - people have to eat there.

@VirusWithShoes: Thanks! You wrote the best rant I've seen in quite awhile.

Out to walk the dogs...

You know I've been enjoying Gawker for what feels like several years now and I'm still not sure who Julia Allison is or why I should give a crap about her. Is this like Nick Denton's personal obsession? I just don't get it. Are we all extras in some kind of future stalking murder/suicide drama or what? If we are, let me know and I will put on some decent clothes.

@scarletmenace: Like quantum theory, anyone who says they understand it is generally lying. Best just to accept it, and hope a 12 year old Chinese prodigy figures it out sometime in the future.

Oh dear.

Dear annoying girl,
Shut up and show us your tits.

Sincerely,
All straight men

@Richard: I know - it's the chairs, right? Thought so.

@Craig_L.:
Dear Annoying Girl,
Shut up.

Sincerely,
Straight Men With Taste.

@scarletmenace: Me too! After all this time reading Gawker, if someone asked me who Julia Allison was, I wouldn't know what to say.

Watching the video, all I could think was: Fall, Fall, Fall, Fall...

@scarletmenace @VirusWithShoes: Julia Allison used to be an isolated phenomenon. Now she's drawn in Leven, adopted little sister, jumping Mary, fruitini-wearing Hud, the College Humor boys, Emily Gould, Kevin Rose, me, you. If JA is a rip in the fabric of media, it's tearing, enveloping us all.

La Cieca admits she is out of the loop here, but is it possible that straight guys could find this girl attractive?

@La Cieca: She had a 50/50 chance until she started talking.

@Nick Denton: Lol @ "Jumping Mary" - also, I'm now reminded of the movie "The Exorcism of Emily Gould and Kevin Rose".
@La Cieca: No. On paper, yes - but with this horrific Zapruder-ite footage, no.

@Nick Denton: You know, I thought about sending this to you yesterday, but I thought it would just make me seem desperate for your attention. Lesson learned:

[jdel.tumblr.com]

she's awfully close to that window.

@VirusWithShoes: La Cieca was wondering if she was just so totally gay that she couldn't get it. But that doesn't really make sense, because even straight (male) readers of my blog agree that this guy is utterly adorable:

+ Watch video

@BenderingTime: That's actually an NYU recruitment tape.

@La Cieca: the supergoddess thanks la cieca for that video, which somewhat undid the lingering sense of horror the supergoddess has been toting around since that rambin creature cawed drunkenly at me on a sunday morning. uch, how horrifying. (oh and! that little dance he did at 1:14? darling. just darling.)

Good thing she only weighs 80 pounds.

@Craig_L.: wait, i didn't see those. There were tits? I thought we were looking at a 10 year old boy playing dress up with his moms clothes.

@marvel girl: Ha! All that was missing was a little tea-set and some stuffed animals.

Not that I'm speaking from experience, of course.

This reminds me of Tortilla Flats circa 1984. Why do girls like to jump up on tables?

Wow. Off screen Dakota Fanning isn't nearly as cute.

It appears the Julia Allison Experience is metastasizing. On the bright side, she isn't singing the praises of Rachel Marsden.

@belltolls: I once made a girl lie on top of a wardrobe. What I made her say was very convincing.

What a horrible body- how does a girl put on a bikini & not look like a girl at all?

@VirusWithShoes: Tell us more.

She's borderline anorexic and she makes Julia Allison seem intelligent by comparison. 0 for 2, babe!

[blunkdrogging.tumblr.com]

JA is the "Sober Sister." Right.

Anorexia is so fucking hawt.

@pufflehuff: I guess there are not enough Facebook drunk girl groups.

@belltolls: We'd just returned from the store after buying some fresh milk. She was lactose intolerant, but got a sexual thrill from watching me add milk to my tea or breakfast cereal. Sometimes when I rubbed cheese on my neck it would push her over the edge and she'd leap on my back and punch me in the thorax. Anyway, we came back with the milk, a newspaper, and some kitty litter for the swan we kept in the back garden. Unfortunately we'd been followed by around a dozen old women in various types of coat, some armed with hats and winter footwear. We entered her apartment, and in the haste to put the milk in the fridge, we'd left the door open. The old women swarmed in and milled around in the hall discussing wool. The sound of whispered inanities about needles will live with me until 2011. We both panicked, and ran into the bedroom as it had the brightest table lamps and we thought that the intense light would easily disperse the knitting-nuts. Sadly, we'd just invested in some early compact fluorescents, and upon switching them on, we were presented by something little more than a weak glow. The old women herded into the bedroom - I threw my girlfriend on top of the wardrobe, while I balanced on the edge of a full-length mirror using only my toes and utilising my years of experience working for Cirque Du Soleil in Las Vegas. The old women wandered around the bedroom, running their cadaverous fingers over the lower-level furniture looking for traces of dust or stray pubic hairs - upon finding little, if any, they began to howl in disapproval, provoking our swan to take flight and head North in fear. I stage-whispered to my girlfriend to shout something to distract them - perhaps involving household cleanliness, or the price of beans. Suddenly she yelled out "I think your phone's ringing - it could be your son, and he almost never calls, does he?" and with a powerful gust of tweed, they were gone, stumbling into the daylight in a frenzy of misplaced hope. Although we bonded over this terrifying experience, we broke up two days later when the milk ran out. We had a short custody battle over the swan, who failed to appear at any of the court proceedings.

@belltolls: It's kind of Mary Rambin to film an after-school special on the perils of drunkorexia.

@VirusWithShoes: "...gust of tweed..." May I steal?

@VirusWithShoes: "The Exorcism of Emily Gould and Kevin Rose:" ...link please.

awkwaaarrddd.

@belltolls: Of course - I stole it from Fleetwood Mac, I think.
@themediatrix: Unfortunately the Vatican has the only print in existence.

Did anyone notice that in a bikini, Julia Allison has NO tits?

There goes her only redeeming quality.

@pufflehuff: Damn, nice link of this piece to drunkorexia. I entirely missed it.

@La Cieca: That is the antidote. Thank you.

@VirusWithShoes: Great! You know their PayPal number?

@belltolls: I read that as "guts of tweed," which I took as something like "abs of steel" only less so.

@Nick Denton: If Mary can save just one person, it'll all be worthwhile...

@belltolls: Mick Fleetwood only accepts payment in the form of interpretive dance. I had to be a swallow leaving home for one of his old hats.

Wow. Crazy Lady. (And unfortunate voice.)

I wonder if she/they wlll ever EVER regret having this nonsense all over the internet. Don't they realize, internet = forever?

Probably not, I am so old fashioned.

@Bunsy: She is dancing on a glass table. Smart doesn't seem to be in play with this girl.

"like reading a speed-ball" - FTW!

also, did anyone catch how awful JA's laugh is(I am assuming she is the videographer)

related: this mary is kinda hot

@onebadclam: I'm guessing that after the dancing and a-screeching she caught her reflection on the table and she stood there, silent and still, in awe at the image below her. After what seemed like an eternity, she reached towards it, fingers outstretched, but was disappointed when she touched only the cold, smooth glass. She knelt to get a closer look - her mouth slack and hanging open, breath shallow. A single strand of drool fell slowly from her lips as she hunched, perplexed at her own image - a harridan from perhaps an earlier age, made gaunt through a self-obsession born of the shallow wasteland of Julia Allison. Suddenly there was a burst of self-realisation, and she hissed at herself who, in turn, hissed back, an