• You're making a music video for Britney Spears, who has been committed to a psychiatric ward twice in the last two months. How to best open your video and grab the viewer's attention? Depict Spears jumping off a building! [YouTube]
• That crazy guy who called 911 and said Heather Locklear was maybe about to commit suicide, even though Locklear later said everything was fine and the police left her alone? A doctor. And friend of Locklear's. [People]
• A woman named Billy Jean is still claiming to be Michael Jackson's lover. She climbed over a fence to try to get into his house and was arrested. Breaking my heart, babe.
• Paris Hilton attended her sister Nicky's fashion show, undermines her with reddest, most distracting lipstick in the world. [LA Times]
• ER wants George Clooney back. Well, of course it does, and of course he hasn't committed. Noah Wyle signed on, though! [EW]
• What? Rosie O'Donnell said on her blog, of Spitzer hooker Ashley Youmans, "I know her / I get it." She "knows her" knows her, or was O'Donnell just rying to make her poem rhyme? [Ask Ro]
• O'Donnell also called Geraldino Ferraro, "Wonder Woman" and agreed she was a "BRILLIANT WOMAN" in the wake of Ferraro's comments that Barack Obama unfairly benefits from the cushy life of a black man in America.
• Michael Jackson's brothers are somehow under the under the impression that heavily indebted Michael is going to help everyone acquire a country home in the English countryside. Yes. Tito is involved. [Sun]
• Patrick Swayze is undergoing chemotherapy plus a new experimental drug, but can't quit smoking, even though smoking is linked to his type of cancer. [Sun]

Send an email to Ryan Tate, the author of this post, at ryan@gawker.com.